I've been a touring comedian for nearly 25 years. My first show was at an open mic night in North Miami Beach, FL in 1987, then moved to New York City about a year later. I've done shows in 45 states, as well as England, Australia, Scotland, Sweden, The Netherlands, Ireland, Norway, Canada, and even BERMUDA.

People often ask me if I have any good "road stories." Actually, I just lied. People rarely ask me that, but sometimes they do (I think?). Anyway, the answer is "Yes, I do." The problem is I've never been much of a storyteller. I mean, I tell stories in my act, but they're really short (like that one about me buying a shirt). But you're not going to watch my show and  go "man, why haven't I seen this guy ripping it up at The Moth?"

But I do have story-worth experiences. Like  in 2002, when I did that show in Fairbanks, Alaska.  A woman in the audience got offended by something I said, so she slowly, gently, and drunkenly charged the stage. She came at me at the rate of about one foot a minute; it was almost adorable. I barely had to take a step back before someone took her arm and "saved" me. I found out later she was a teacher. And it was a school night.  

Then there was the hotel front desk clerk in Sacramento who called my room to let me know she was coming to my show that night, and wanted to know if I'd "rag on her friends."

Another time, I was flying to Australia via Los Angeles. An announcement came over the P.A. reminding us not to stray from the cabin that matched our class of service. The passenger next to me asked a flight attendant why they made that announcement. The flight attendant leaned down and whispered like he was giving her a combination to a safe: "We have a celebrity on the flight today." I'd actually spotted the celebrity at the gate prior to boarding. It was Brandy.

I could also tell you about that time in Tampa, when I had a group of rowdy guys thrown out of my show, and then ran into them the next morning at the Hampton Inn breakfast buffet. But you'll have to wait for my memoirs to hear the rest of that one, although that's pretty much the whole story.