Amazon.com Celebrates Easter with Gay Book Burning

Yesterday, while all good Christian folk were cracking open their Bibles and deep-fried Cadbury eggs, Amazon.com decided that it fancied an affectionate romp with wingnuts. So they de-ranked all gay and lesbian literature from their top 100 lists, classing them as "adult," "filthy," and of course, "heathenous." But the all-purpose e-tailer's appeal to the Bible belt set off more sentient customers into a very unEasterly rage.

Remarked all-around swell poet Mark Doty across the disorganized sprawl of Facebook, “If you go on Amazon and type in butt plug in the search window, you’ll see a number of them for sale, with sales ranking attached! So, it’s okay to rank butt plugs but not books?” Alas yes. One only finds erogenous things as butt plugs (and whips too!) when specifically searching them out.

More confounding was how this Palinesque twist of events resulted in the displacement of Heather Has Two Mommies. In turn, less dangerous texts, such as The Anarchist Cookbook, stay in plain sight of mild-mannered, impressionable lit crits.

The Twitterverse had its own way of exuding furor. Usually abuzz with discourse of tea parties and Navy Seals, Twitter found space in its hummingbird heart to mark the online merchant’s boneheadedness with a new meme: #AmazonFail.

But this isn’t all meant to be an excellent Easter gift for Sarah Palin (that was just a bonus!)—Amazon released a statement last night attributing the de-ranking to a gay “glitch,” which is unlike a troll who approaches you at a bar and pesters you until you flatly tell him that his breath is giving you toxic shock. Although more glitchy is why Amazon largely financed Republicans—the same people they’re making googly eyes with now—on the eve before the second Bush capsized our economy. And with even the heartland looking to get BeDazzled, why now? Good news, though: The Twilight series still remains on the Amazon Top 100, so maybe we heathens will be victorious yet.