The Cornholio Problem: Coffee Gets More Expensive

Sorry, Beavis -- your supply's about to get pricey. You know when things get really bad, and you're sitting there asking yourself how it could get any worse? And one of your friends is like, "Well, you could live in a third-world nation, starving, and fighting to live through each day," and you're just like god, shut up, man. And then it does get worse, and you feel like a total jackass for tempting fate? This is going to start happening a lot (more). Beginning with your mornings, per a Bloomberg news report: coffee prices are going up.

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It basically goes like this. The global economy sucks, so the price of fertilizer sucks. In order to keep themselves somewhat profitable, Brazilian coffee harvesters are making less coffee and selling it for more. Which wouldn’t be so bad, if it weren’t also combined with the effect of a bad coffee-growing season, which coffee growers are having right now. And that wouldn’t be so bad, if the growth cycle of coffee weren’t two years, and if the domestic demand for coffee in Brazil weren’t growing exponentially.

So, the value of the dollar will go down, the price of coffee will go up, and you’re going to be paying more for your morning buzz. No telling on what will happen to the best (and maybe the priciest) cup of coffee in New York: El Beit‘s Clover coffee, made a single cup at a time from a bajillion dollar machine (this is black coffee that comes out to around $4/cup). Tragic. Other places to get soon-to-be-pricey coffee here. Otis Redding singing about coffee and that other pricey stimulant here. And speaking of the aforementioned third-world nations you could be living in? They don’t have coffee, because they don’t have potable water. Help out here.