Bling Dynasty

She’s baaa-ack! Joan Collins will never be old. Or old news. And this just in: The queen of the catfight is going goth, opposite Christopher Lee, in a camp-horror sequel to the legendary Wicker Man.

Collins in the industrial kitchen of the Hollywood Roosevelt.

Joan Collins is hot. And not just by gay icon standards or to baby-boomers who threw costumed “Dynasty” parties in the ’80s when she schemed demises, ate scenery like it were so many ounces of Beluga, and took Linda Evans swimming in the lily pond in one of television’s most legendary catfights. On a fashion photo shoot, on location at the equally iconic Hollywood Roosevelt hotel, Collins, now 75, is entrancing, funny, game (she makes five costume changes with zero complaints over a day). But more than anything, she is hot.

There is that purr of a voice, both proper English-elegant and boudoir-droll. Despite the augmentations that Old and New Hollywood ultimately succumb to, it is Miss Collins looking at you, and not some “creation.” One marvels at the daggers cheekbones, the sultry eyes, the fierce Elvis sneer of her smile, the bust (she is “a size 10 up top, a 4 down bottom”), and gams to there.

The London-born actress is famous now for being famous, and presumed to be living a life as ostentatious as Alexis Carrington in one of the more famous Sunset addresses between West Hollywood and Beverly Hills. She’s had her reported dalliances over the years with them all, from Conrad Hilton Jr. and Dennis Hopper to Warren Beatty and Ryan O’Neal. She has said, “You haven’t had anyone till you’ve had me.”

But a major part of her allure is that she has always been in on the joke, dah-ling. And so when we ask her if she’ll perform some of the more domestic chores on camera—making a fried egg, cleaning her own dishes (of course, dressed to the nines)—she jumps at the chance. Well, saunters, anyway.

Collins has not been just lying about in Fendi furs and Harry Winston rocks since “Dynasty” threw its last Ferragamo in 1989. The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art-trained actress created her own signature lines of both jewelry and sunglasses. They are wearable and chic. She is the face of the upscale cosmetic brand Cellex-C (which just introduced the Age-less 15 Skin Signaling Serum). And the agless icon seems quite happy with her husband Percy Gibson.

Eating catered tuna salad in a hotel bath robe, she does a hilariously snotty imitation of the actor Christopher Lee, who she will soon be co-starring with in the independent neo-gothic Cowboys for Christ.

And there’s a rumor floating around Hollywood that she is being considered to star in the Bette Davis role, in a remake of the 1962 camp-horror classic, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? She will not confirm nor deny. “I have to say, for now, No comment.” But Joan Collins, with her demeanor, has already said, as always, just enough. Pray that somehow we may ultimately get to hear her sneer, “But you are, Blanche! You are in that chair!” Here, we put her in the hot seat.

Collins, the Hollywood Roosevelt, Grand Ballroom, Los Angeles. Hat by Kokin, Dress & evening coat by Maggie Norris Couture, Vintage Valentino earrings from The Way We Wore, L.A.

BLACKBOOK: You’ve had your tabloid moments, but what do you honestly make of all these no-talent, white-trash pop tarts being hailed for their bad behavior?

JOAN COLLINS: I think it’s a style thing. Young girls like the way these young girls look. Ten years ago, it was the Spice Girls. Every generation has its icons. And the icons are younger now. But there are plenty of them who are not pop tarts. Anne Hathaway, for one. Who was that other girl who was in The Devil Wears Prada? Emily Blunt. Ellen Page in Juno. And there are dozens more. It’s just that the tabloids go after those girls who exhibit more outrageous behavior. And believe me, those girls love it. They call in items themselves—that they were at Nobu, some nightclub in SoHo. I can’t think of anything more horrible than that. Publicity can be a drug. I worked with Jayne Mansfield, and she was obsessed.

BB: Any idea why the “tabloid” is back at this moment in culture, with people obsessing over every little detail about celebrity pregnancies, what they wear?

JC: Our civilization has become extremely dumbed down, with shorter attention spans. All they want are sound bites. People don’t have the concentration to read an in-depth article or a book, or watch a serious movie. I can’t understand it. And the tabloid magazines are exactly the same every week! People has the same cover as InTouch as OK! as US Weekly as Star magazine. They’re exactly the same! You never read about De Niro, Pacino, Harrison Ford… well, you do hear about him since he’s with Calista Flockhart. Meryl Streep. These new stars are appealing to a young audience, or a rather dumb audience.

BB: And what about their clothes, these celebrities like Britney and Lindsay and Paris who go out wearing trashy outfits and no panties?

JC: I don’t think she is well, Britney. I definitely think there is something wrong with her: depression, illness. No normal girl goes out and lets photographers shoot at that angle. It’s bizarre, isn’t it? We have these girls in England. Glamour models. And they will flash their breasts in a desperate attempt to get their photos in the paper. I asked my friend Glenda Bailey [editor-in-chief of Harper’s Bazaar] why she would put Lindsay Lohan on her cover. And she said, “It sells magazines.”

BB: So let’s get out of the smut. Would you ever do an independent film, like Julie Christie did with Away From Her? It seems a great move.

JC: Are you asking if I am retiring? Of course I would. Ninety-nine percent of actresses would. I don’t have Barbara Streisand’s money. I need to work. And I’d like to work in something really good. I’m like a book on a library shelf: you borrow a book and then you take it back. It’s a no-brainer.

BB: Tell me about this Cowboys for Christ film.

JC: It’s directed by Robin Hardy, who did the original Wicker Man. It’s a Gothic-horror-thriller. It’s about two young people from America who are gospel singers. They go to a remote village in the highlands of Scotland to convert people to Christianity. They come in contact with an evil cult led by two people. One of them is Christopher Lee, and the other one is me.

BB: Well, I can totally see you having a comeback in a serious, small picture.

JC: Unfortunately, casting directors are not as perceptive. There were two roles I would have been right for: The one that Shirley MacLaine had in Bewitched. I was trying to get that for several years. And another right one was the role Susan Sarandon played in Enchanted. She always plays those parts where there is a missionary worker, or a grandchild has been abducted. Let’s face it: There is such a glut of actresses over 50. The mothers in films are getting younger and younger. I do understand, though, that movies have to appeal now to generations from 13 to 35 years old.

BB: You are rather misinterpreted. I expected an entourage and a driver upon your arrival to our shoot.

JC: I don’t have anything. I came with a hairdresser. A normal day for me is I get up, make coffee, read the newspapers; in America, that would be The Los Angeles Times, in English papers, either the Telegraph or Daily Mail. And then I make phone calls to Europe. I do little errands, and try to work on my autobiography. I write thank-you letters. We had an anniversary party on Saturday. Tonight I’m staying in. We Tivo. We go out to a lot of dinners and parties.

Vintage cape and gown from The Way We Wore, L.A., jewelry Joan’s own, gloves by La Crasia.

BB: When was the last time you made yourself breakfast, did dishes?

JC: Does boiling an egg count? I did that this morning. Hard-boiled. I washed a few glasses after a party on Saturday after the maids and staff we hired for the night had left. Somebody had to do it. It’s no big deal; I’ve been doing it all my life. It’s absolutely extraordinary that people think I don’t cook. We had a nanny sometimes growing up. People think that I live the life of Alexis Carrington. It baffles me.

BB: What was the last film you saw at the theater?

JC: We saw a screening of Vantage Point. The critics loathed it, but I thought it was extremely good.

BB: What kind of car do you drive?

JC: A classic Rolls Royce, 1985. It’s the only car I will drive. I cannot figure out the new cars. In the South of France, we have a Range Rover.

BB: What is the most important thing in your life?

JC: Health, husband, happiness. People underestimate how important one’s health is, and I’m very healthy—touch wood. And I have a wonderful husband. It just feels good to be alive, and live, smell the coffee, look at the roses. I am very much about glass is half full than glass is half empty. I always look at the bright side, which I’ve had to in order to survive in this business for so long. I’m not bitter.

BB: What do you dislike?

JC: I hate graffiti. It offends my aesthetics and sensibilities. And I hate litter-strewn streets. My god, in England there is so much of it. Not so much in America. But all those plastic bags, killing animals. They take 1,000 years to disintegrate. Seals get them caught in their bellies. When we buy things, we take our own little bags and get our groceries in them. Growing up, if I so much as threw a candy wrapper on the floor, my family would give me a pilling off. It’s a tragedy of modern life.

BB: Have you regretted having been married four times?

JC: It’s my fifth. It’s not something I’m proud of. It’s not something wonderful—just unfortunate. The first time, I was 18, and much too young. My second and third, I had children from them. The fourth was a Swede. And it came in a moment of insanity. I was going through “Dynasty.” People were coming at me from every angle: financial advisors, paparazzi, managers, and hanger-on friends. I was going through a madness phase. My new husband is the love of my life. He is marvelous with the children. Patient. We are total partners. He is a very special person.

BB: What actors do you love?

JC: I love Pierce Brosnan, Harrison Ford, Kevin Costner, Gene Hackman, Al Pacino. I’ve seen The Godfather Part II like seven times. I’ve liked Gene as far back as when he was in Bonnie and Clyde. He’s not a glamour boy.

BB: Have you seen Faye Dunaway lately? It’s kind of scary, the work she’s had done.

JC: I still look like myself. I don’t want to keep having my face pulled and poked and Botox-ed until I don’t look like myself, but a caricature, or someone else. But if I got a double chin, I would do something about it.

BB: What do you want out of life right now more than anything?

JC: I want to be healthy. As you grow older, you appreciate it more, particularly when so many of your friends are not making it. Suzanne Pleshette was a friend of mine. Roy Scheider was too, and they didn’t even mention him during the Oscar ceremonies.

BB: So what are you doing right now?

JC: [indecipherable]

BB: You’re going to the theater?

JC: No, the fridge. My throat is parched.

Photography by Gillian Laub Styling by Maddy Simpson