Britney Spears & Lindsay Lohan Make Poor Life Choice Together

This past Sunday night, Britney and Lindsay met up at the Grand Star Jazz Club to toast poor parents and fragile psyches, and perhaps even cackle about the biggest, most expensive physics machine in the world, which is riddled with thousands of bad electrical connections and how that is so like their lives. And while their grins appear sparkly and chipper, looking at these snapshots is like bearing witness to the calm before a Katrina-sized storm.

But maybe in doing shots of Patrón, LiLo and Brit-Brit—the uncoordinated dipsomaniacs that they are—smacked their skulls together and such a collision caused a few overripe apples of good ideas to fall down. Idolator’s Maura Johnston and Jezebel’s Hortense managed to cull together a brilliant list of potential outcomes of such a collision including both scripted and unscripted TV options, in addition to Taylor Momsen envy. Conspicuously missing from their list however, is a Lindsay Lohan-Britney Spears reworking of this Mariah Carey-Whitney Houston anthem, with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra providing back-up score. It’s only the most nihilistic among us that can flout something so clearly life-affirming and epic.