Britney Spears Shocks Australian Parliament By Doing Her Job

Who purchases a ticket to see Britney Spears in tour and actually expects her to sing live these days? She's not Miranda Cosgrove, so let's not hold her to unrealistic expectations. Although some assy member of the Australian parliament has. And what a shocker it is, where said member tears Brit-Brit a new one for not bothering to use the god-given gift of singing when she performs in concert. She insists that concert-goers should be made aware at point of purchase, that the concert probably will not be live. Err, people who know Britney know that they're not going into hear Maria Callas or even a slightly post-crack Whitney. Spears hasn't released a tune in over five years that hasn't been autotuned and vocodered within an inch of its life.

This isn’t a reprehensible thing either. It’s the way we prefer the once-beleaguered pop star. She’s buoyant, happy, and flourishing. Shouldn’t members of the parliament, especially those appointed the Minister for Fair Trading in some slice of Oceania called “New South Wales,” render verdicts on more pressing regional issues? Like the price-gouging of wallaby fillets or kangaroo steaks. Or maybe how their own international ambassadress of pop has encouraged miming in other, far more disturbingly literal ways.

The MP adds that Spears’ show is a “Mickey Mouse performance.” Which is her most apt observation, as Spears does hail from The Mickey Mouse Club. She tells Contactmusic<, "Let's be clear—live means live. If you are spending up to $200, I think you deserve better than a film clip." Although in all fairness, after dropping a hundred bones on a Spice Girls reunion tour last year, I wish some of them would’ve mimed to a backing tape to spare my ears. But ultimately perhaps everyone needs to know that despite pushing 30 for the last few years of her life, Spears, by way of some excellent co-writing by Dido, remains not a girl, not yet a woman.