Chris Brown Praised for Not Attacking Women Recently

Most reasonable people shouldn't have to be dissuaded from engaging in horrific acts of domestic violence by treats and high praise. Typically one doesn't have to make a fist, pretend to dangle some beef jerky above his nose, and yell, "Sit, Chris Brown, sit! Good boy!" in an attempt to keep the pop singer or any similar-minded dude from succumbing to whatever chemical imbalance makes them predisposed to senseless acts of brutality. But the idea of Chris Brown as a reasonable man kind of flew out the window in February and never really made its way back in the house. There were a few lame attempts. Like this, well, misguided apology. More recently there was this irksome tweet that reads, "Good NEWS: my album date has changed .. December 8. Graffiti. If u love me get it twice and if u hate me still get it." Which demonstrated how Brown still remains clueless. If not about his actions, then the waves his actions created in the world around him. Still, the man's gone a number of days without black-eyeing someone and he deserves a judge-approved gold star and a free dinner at Red Lobster, right? Right.

The proper term everyone’s chucking around is “extremely favorable.” Chris Brown has earned an “extremely favorable” report following his community service. Community service that included “hard labor” (MTV’s words, not mine) such as trash pick-up in Virginia. Ever the overachiever, Brown has also completed 7 of his mandatory 52 domestic violence classes, which was the second part of his plea agreement. All in time for some new music thing that he is doing or is in the middle of doing but he probably will never properly have success with ever again unless he figures out this “remorse” thing. It’s a hard knock life, C.Bro.

On the plus side, or at least as close to one the man can come to these days, the man’s got good taste in nifty scarves.