The Fantastic DC Inauguration Dinners You Won’t Be Attending

Remember your very own small-town prom, and how you impressed your frilly date by scooping a table at the singular nice restaurant around? Then you put your glasses back on and realized you were surrounded by fellow high schoolers -- it was your first lesson in supply versus demand. Welcome to Washington DC next month, when America’s coolness crashes the capital, and the capital tries desperately to bring it in return. At this point, forget about inaugural balls, exclusive gold-specked VIP tickets, and the password-protected after-after parties. Where’s dinner? K Street’s been counting restaurants on fingers and claims it can handle all that glitterati -- just like New Orleans found everyone a seat in the Superdome. Where you dine on the night of the Second Coming defines how many degrees of separation lie between you and the Obamas. Inauguration also settles any longstanding office squabbles about Washington’s top restaurants. It’s quite simple this time: Who’s booked and who ain’t?

Like the president’s first term, CityZen is four years old; unlike the president, the Mandarin Oriental’s showcase restaurant still looks astonishingly fresh and wrinkle-free. Young and full of vigor and hope, chef Eric Ziebold was christened this year’s James Beard award winner, which is only one explanation for CityZen’s inaugural blackout. The lucky few with reservations will devour miniature Parker House rolls kissed with sea salt and be wowed by a Bible-length wine list. Still want in? You could apply as a waiter, but then, can you turn tables without touching the napkins?

Moving on, both Equinox and Corduroy have been bought out for the night of January 20. Both offer gleeful New American cuisine that’s oh so seasonal and all sourced from a commutable distance. Both are intimate, personable, and cozy as sweet potatoes. Equinox is a parked motorcade’s distance from the White House; Corduroy’s the gentrified pride of an historic African-American neighborhood.

It’s almost too obvious to mention, but José Andres’ elusive, six-seat private table at Minibar is off limits just like every other day of the year—you’ll have to go elsewhere for a breath of watermelon air. Meanwhile, Michel Richard’s $350-per-head Citronelle is “fully booked” but taking names on some imaginary waitlist, “just in case.” Chef Richard lovingly refers to his lower-priced restaurant as the “democratization of Citronelle”, so Central might have presented a worthy consolation ... had it not been bought out for the entire day. Alas, on this one night, cheaper does not equal available: U Street’s legendary Ben’s Chili Bowl is the diner in which you are most likely to get trampled. Be warned.

Now that your plebian status is confirmed, fear not—Washington DC is overflowing with second-tier, semi-fine dining spots just waiting to sell you their prix fixe inauguration menu ending in a special chocolatey dessert. The new Adour at the St. Regis is still wide open, and despite Obama’s royal nod; Wolfgang Puck’s The Source is “only taking reservations after January 1st”, which is a Washingtonian euphemism for “slightly overrated.” Establishmentarian favorite The Prime Rib is generously accepting table reservations before 5:30 and after 9:30, and the Four Seasons’ too-new-to-know Bourbon Steak doesn’t have time to fill up.

See you in DC, then. All you Hollywood types might want to bring a packed lunch—the rest of us will be hanging out in the bars that will be open for everyone, all night long.