Fashion Week Gets DListed

Michael K of the hilarious "be very afraid" celebrity blog known as DListed knows fashion. In fact, he kills with his posts regarding "basement baby" Grace Jones wannabe Solange ("She's down in her basement right now trying to recreate this shit using an old wooden salad bowl, placements and some busted ass V for Vendetta mask she bought on eBay."), his penchant for Salma Hayek and her "chichis that will save the world," and, of course, his classic obsession for Cynthia Nixon's partner, who he refers to as "Rojo Caliente" (here's why). Considering it's New York Fashion Week, we sat down to get our all things fashion-y chit chat on with Michael K and dished about who will work it out this season and who will be a hot mess.

Your blog is hilarious. Would you ever consider a career in comedy?
A million thank yous, but comedy is not for me. I don't even consider what I do comedy. It's just diarrhea of the mouth, really. And Amy Winehouse hasn't invented a drug cocktail strong enough for me to deal with the kind of stage fright I'd suffer from performing in front of a live audience. That's too hardcore for me.

How are you preparing for NYC Fashion Week? Who do you expect to work it out, and more importantly, who do you expect to look a hot mess?
The only show I’m trying to get into is She by Sheree or HEShe by Sheree as it should be called. It’s Sheree from The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Fashion Week debut. It’s going to be like a 100-car pile up. Broke-down wigs galore! I think broke-down messes come around when you least expect them to. It’s not something you can predict. Well, Vivica Fox and her crystal ball forehead could probably predict this, but I can’t. I’m just hoping there’s at least one nip slip, and I hope it comes from someone like Joan Collins.

What show would you rather go to: Charlotte Ronson (a SamRo + LiLo appearance?) or Michael Kors (a Posh + JLO appearance?)
Charlotte Ronson, duh. I kind of have a girl crush on SamRo. So I want to see if the magic between us exists in real life or just in my warped, burnt-up brains.

Considering it’s a fall collection and looks are bulkier, are you looking forward to models biting the dust?
I always look forward to models eating catwalk. But this season, I hope one model does something truly special. It’s kind of boring to just fall. In order to become an overnight YouTube sensation, you would need to bust off the catwalk and into Anna Wintour’s lap knocking her sunglasses off her face. That’s what I want to see.

What about celebs at after parties ... Who’s gonna be the biggest mess?
Lil’ Kim. Basically. I don’t even need to tell you why.

What’s your fascination with Rojo Caliente? Does she need an extreme make over?
NO! People need extreme makeovers to look like her. She’s absolutely perfect and that’s the truth. I adore her, because she’s a butchie who doesn’t care and that turns me on. Not only could she carry me over the threshold, but she could build the damn threshold in a quick minute.

Do you prefer skinny bitches or voluptuous women?
I’m a skinny bitch myself, but on chicks, I like to see magnificent chichis. Chichis that spill out like an overstuffed pillow. Tittays on Salma, Christina Hendricks and such ... That’s what I prefer.

How do you feel about Lady Gaga’s head-turning look?
It’s just kind of cheap to me. Like she threw that shit together with a bunch of crap from Michael’s. I felt like Dale Bozzio and the Snow Miser did it better. And plus, I saw a picture with a tampon string hanging out of her crotch and that just killed it for me.

Who would you rather have for a BFF: Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, or Tyra Banks? They all do have a lot to offer—someone who will fight for you, maybe a few illegal substances, and some Oprah wannabe advice ...
Ty Ty! I am not equipped for a Naomi beatdown, and Kate seems like she’d just sit and sulk. Homegirl looks like a downer. Ty Ty, however, acts the fool and she doesn’t even know it. It would also be fun to tell her stories and watch her make it about her. You know, I can tell her about the time I pooped my pants in the third grade and she’d say, “Well, when I was modeling in Paris, I once pooped myself in Dior’s master bathroom ...” Or something like that.

What will be the drug of choice this season?
I’m just hoping it’s not dignity.

Katie Holmes had a good run with the whole baggy overall thing. When the hell did Casey from Dawson’s Creek really become a fashion icon?
Fashion icon—Tom Cruise’s ass! She is the epitome of trytoohardy.

What’s the deal with Aubrey O’Day and “basement baby” Solange? Are they delusional or do they really think that shit is cute?
Solange is trying to do some Japanese shit. She thinks she’s an anime character. I always like to joke that she makes that shit using things she finds in the basement, because Beyonce locked her down there. It’s probably the truth. And if you haven’t read her Twitter, you must. It explains everything. As for Aubrey, she’s a ho fo sho and I think she knows that. She plays it up.

What’s your favorite NYC hotspot? What about favorite restaurant?
My favorite NYC hotspot is my couch. It’s always warm, because my ass is on it all the time. My favorite restaurant is Popeye’s on 14th between 5th and 6th.

Are you into the gay club scene or shitty gay bars? Fav neighborhood?
My favorite neighborhood is the one I live in: LES. I like messy gay bars (Phoenix, Eastern Bloc, Boiler Room, The Cock, Nowhere, Trash on Fridays), but I haaate gay clubs. Too much gel. It’s just not for me.

Where do you get your shop on?
Oak on Bond Street! I’m kind of obsessed. I go every weekend and I don’t know why. My body just magically drags me there.

I see that you have a bit of a Brit Brit obsession, as do I. Has the comeback helped out her style out all? Do you miss the Cheetohs, the pink wig, and the late-night gas station stops?
Her style sucks now. She’s clean, the weave is combed, and I don’t like it. I miss her back-alley dumpster look. I liked the road kill weave, the day-shift hooker boots, and the ironic T-shirts that she didn’t find ironic. I miss that ho.

What trend do you wish would just end? Any trend you want to bring back?
Dude scarves! My soul weeps every time I see a dude with a big ass picnic table around his neck thinking he’s the shit. You know what needs to come back? Neck dickies. I don’t know if that was ever a trend though. But wouldn’t you just love to stroll down the street in a neck dickie, some coochie cutters and British Knights? Yes.

Thoughts on the Sex and the City sequel? Are they too old to be rockin Manolos?
It’s basically a Golden Girls movie. Samantha is up for Social Security soon. So yeah, they are too elderly for that mess.

Who can you always rely on for a fashion post?
My muses Phoebe Price or Shauna Sand. Also, Solange, her lesser-known sister and Mischa Barton.

Photo: Brad Walsh