Gauguin Painting Attacker Claims to Be CIA Agent

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Remember the woman who attacked a Gauguin painting at the National Gallery in D.C.? She’s a CIA agent! She also has a radio in her head. Or so she claims.

Susan Burns is an Alexandria, Virginia resident and a sworn enemy of Paul Gauguin. The Smoking Gun uncovered a criminal complaint in which Burns said, “I feel that Gauguin is evil. He has nudity and is bad for the children. He has two women in the painting and it’s very homosexual. I was trying to remove it. I think it should be burned.”

She went on: “I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.”

Apparently Burns tried to tear the painting from the wall and repeatedly hit it with her right fist. The painting has been analyzed and no damage has been found. This isn’t Burns’ first brush with the law — she’s been convicted of things like carjacking and assault on a police officer.

I suppose mental illness is no laughing matter, but “I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you” — that’s pretty good. On a positive note, this is probably the most publicity Paul Gauguin’s gotten in a hundred years.