Hang Ten

As the mercurial matriarch on HBO’s 'John from Cincinnati,' she spouts expletives like a seasoned sailor. But in real life, Rebecca DeMornay’s gripes are far less profane.

Photo by Jesse Dylan

1. People who smile or whistle when they’re angry.

2. Any religion, society, or government that doesn’t give women rights and freedom equal to men. Period.

3. The hermetically-sealed packaging of CDs, DVDs, batteries, and even some hotel toothpaste that is physically impossible to unwrap. Apparently, this brings out “package rage” in some people, and I think I suffer from it.

4. Liars like Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld who sold us the “Weapons of Mass Destruction” fiction, and thereby threw us into the worst military, economic and enemy-making disaster, which nobody knows how we will recover from, or be able to rectify.

5. Liars like Hollywood studios, producers and film-makers who make graphic and sadistic torture-rape-murder exploitation films and games, and who still publicly insist—with a straight face—that these films and games are simply “entertainment” and have no damaging or desensitizing effect on the kids and adults who view them, and that they in no way inspire people to think and behave more violently.

6. Open-toed sandals on men who aren’t walking in the desert or next to the ocean.

7. Thick lipstick on women who then insist on kissing you on the cheek.

8. People who aren’t in the moment with who they’re with, but instead are talking to someone who isn’t there, via cell phone, texting or email. This unfortunately also includes me, now that I recently acquired a BlackBerry.

9. The immoral and cynical resolve of BigBusiness to poison and ruin the air, the water,
the trees, the animals, and the health and safety of the whole human race for generations of children to come, while they make deals and play golf, impervious.

10. Lists of things you hate, like this one.