Human Giant’s Aziz Ansari Takes Our Pop Quiz

If you tuned into Scrubs this week you would have caught Human Giant Aziz Ansari guest-starring as Ed, the jerky intern with an affinity for Lost. In upcoming months you can catch him again on television in the highly-anticipated sitcom starring Amy Poehler by the producers of The Office, on the big screen hanging with the Apatow clan, or maybe if you're lucky, walking the streets blasting shitty music. He's L.A-based now, but this Friday and Saturday he'll be back in his old stomping grounds of New York, headlining at Comix in the Kanye-approved "Glow In The Dark Tour." But first, he took time to talk about his kimono and more in our Pop Quiz.

When you were in elementary school, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A comedian like Eddie Murphy or someone that drove a talking car for F.L.A.G. like Michael Knight, or someone who worked for the Phoenix Foundation like MacGyver.

Do you have any tattoos?
Just one, it’s the entire cast of The Wire on my back.

Are you superstitious?
Yes, I just started making a quilt, and if I don’t finish it, I’ll never get married!

First album you bought?
Michael Jackson, Thriller.

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
That thing Mel Gibson had in What Women Want combined with flying. Ladies would go nuts!

How many times a day on average do you think about sex?
About half the number of times as I think about eating good food.

Have you ever been arrested?
Yes, I scalped tickets to Spongebob Squarepants Live and was busted by one of those undercover kid cops. It was really embarrassing.

What’s your guilty pleasure?
A DVR full of episodes of X-Men: The Animated Series.

Ever been starstruck?
Yes, when I met R. Kelly. That was surreal.

When you get good news, who’s the first person you tell it to?
My mom.

What do you always watch if it’s on TV?
Die Hard.

What do you normally sleep in?
A kimono that was given to me by an Asian person.

Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?
In a barrel falling from Niagara Falls.

What’s on your computer wallpaper?
A photo of me laying down on top of my bed in a kimono.

Heard any good jokes lately? Tell us one.
I haven’t really heard any good “joke” jokes, but Louis CK’s last special was the funniest standup I saw last year.

If you could be any literary character, who would you be?
James Bond.

Where do you really want to be right now?
New York, that’s where I am now!

What’s the first job you ever had?
I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

Favorite Muppets/Sesame Street character?
Tie: Fozzy and Rowlf.

What’s the best advice you ever got?
Comedy is the business of rejection. I think Bill Hicks said that in an interview I read once.