Kanye West’s Seinfeld-Referencing G-Shock Performance

I can't fathom how many people Casio had to lay off in order to afford a private Kanye West show, but that's exactly what went down last night (and last year) when the electronics manufacturer launched their new line G-Shock of watches at Cipriani's Wall Street location. West took the stage an hour late wearing a black hood and a porcelain mask, looking like someone who rocks knives, not mics. And despite repeated warnings not to record or photograph the performance, cameras and cell phones were abundant. It's was strange seeing one of music's biggest superstars in a setting as intimate as this, but his set matched his surroundings, stripping a lot of songs of their drum machines, and often rapping and singing over nothing but piano chords. But as good as Kanye's music is, the best parts of the show came when he inevitably went off topic with stream-of consciousness rants that included bizarre metaphors on fame, blog backlash, and a Kenny Banya reference.

During Kanye’s first confessional—stylistically similar to his “Pinocchio Story” performance in Singapore—he compared fame to obesity, saying “It takes you longer to sit down and people help you everywhere you go.” He went on to tell a story about how he wrote the “Heartless” lyric “How could you be so Dr. Evil?” Initially it was “How could you be so fucking evil,” but when Kanye worried he was cursing too much, his protégé Mr. Hudson suggested he replace “fucking” with “Dr.” Kanye reacted the same way Jerry Seinfeld’s hack comedian hanger-on Kenny Banya did whenever he stumbled across a gem: “That’s gold Jerry, gold!”

Towards the end of his set, West went off on another tangent, the full transcript of which is below, in all caps, of course.

“I’M TALKING ABOUT HOW ARTISTS TODAY—BECAUSE THE INTERNET MAKES EVERYTHING SO SO SO ACCESSIBLE—PEOPLE GET THEIR SONGS TOGETHER AND THEY JUST WANT TO DROP IT ONLINE SO FAST, AND THEY FORGET ABOUT THE TIME THAT IT TAKES TO MAKE REAL MUSIC, TO SLOWLY ROAST IT AND BAKE IT. THEY FORGET ABOUT THE DJ. THEY FORGET TO GIVE THAT JOINT TO DJ ENUFF FIRST, BEFORE YOU GIVE IT TO THE BLOGS. WHAT I SAID TO A-TRAK TODAY, IT’S FUNNY, I WAS LIKE, YOU CAN’T BEAT WWW DOT. YOU CAN’T MAKE SONGS AS FAST AS WWW DOT. SO STOP TRYING TO RUN SO FAST AND BE SO FAST. FOR ALL THE CREATIVE PEOPLE, I KNOW YOU’RE PUT UNDER DEADLINES SOMETIMES, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT MURAKAMI, AND LOOK AT JEFF KOONS, THEY DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. SO WHEN YOU CREATE, WAIT, BUT DON’T HESITATE, OR FAKE, JUST CREATE. BECAUSE YOU MAKE OUR WORLD BETTER, WHEN YOU’RE SO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO THAT NOBODY CAN DO IT, AND YOU ALWAYS KNEW IT. SO I MOVE WAY MORE SLOW. WHY DID HE NOT DO THE BET AWARDS, I GUESS NOBODY KNOWS. BUT I WASN’T PREPARED TO GIVE THEM THIS SHOW. THEY MUST KNOW. 32 YEARS OLD NOW AND I MOVE WAY MORE SLOW. AND IM NOT TRY TRYING TO KEEP THEM ALONG, THE FACT THAT IT IS NOT A SPRINT BUT A MARATHON. YOU WILL HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU. AND IF YOU UNDERSTAND, DON’T JUST JUST THINK ABOUT IT AS ONE DAY. BUT THINK OF TEN YEAR PLAN. AND AS OBAMA SAID YES WE CAN. YES WE CAN. BUT ONE THING WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, OUR PLACE IN THE WORLD AS CREATIVE PEOPLE IS TO CREATE. I AM NOT A MOGUL. I AM NO LONGER A BRAND. I AM ONLY A MAN WHO CREATES. AND FOLLOWS MY DREAMS.”

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