Katy Perry and the Real Doll

Call it a freakish cosmic coincidence, but it was just three days ago that I finalized the specifications of my Katy Perry-inspired Real Doll. The manufacturers of the life-size love dolls told me they couldn't replicate Perry exactly without the singer's permission (she ignored my MySpace messages), but that they could create a doll that "strongly resembled her," promising to nail everything from her raven malt-shoppe hairdo, to her ample bosom, all the way down to the one-centimeter difference between her right baby toe and the left one (the tan lines were my personal touch). Good enough for me! Now though, I may need to cancel my order because Integrity Toys, designers of high-end fashion dolls, have announced plans to give birth the Katy Perry Fashion Doll.

The 12-inch doll is the result of a collaboration between Perry and Jason Wu, who serves as creative director for Integrity’s line of high-end dolls. It retails for $49.99, about $4,550 cheaper than my Perryesque doll, and I can see why. The thing looks nothing like her. It’s a Barbie with black hair, too much eye make up, that happens to be wearing the same belted gold mini dress and accordion-pleated skirt that she wears in the “I Kissed a Girl” video. Thanks for trying Integrity, but I’m all good.