Kim Kardashian Left Out of Megan Fox + Shia LeBeouf Coupling

Look, world. I know we're still mourning the loss of the man responsible for some of the greatest innovations to strike pop music, apart from the Puppini Sisters' rediscovery of close harmonies. But that doesn't mean you can throw good taste to the wind and run around issuing clumsily worded statements that really have no bearing on the State of Things as We Know It. Those which especially won't help sell a few more copies of your crappy fitness DVD. I'm glaring at you, Kim Kardashian. And your empty proclamations of love.

Kardashian, who previously emerged as an unlikely (unnecessary?) heroine for gay rights, decided to kick off Pride Week by telling scandalmongers the world over how she’s “totally a Megan Fox fan.” Mind you, she doesn’t use the word “fan” like how some people might describe their affinity towards things like avocados, screaming, or that one café they used to frequent in college to study the rexy emo boys who were always skimming the works of Nietzsche.

Her fandom is deeper. It tends to tickle more erogenous sensibilities. She confesses, “[Megan] is so hot. She is like my girl crush and I don’t have girl crushes.” It’s quite true. A long, long time ago, she dashed dykey dabbles with Britney Spears.

But alas for Kim! This is all a moot point. Fox and Transformers co-star Shia LaBeouf are strongly rumored to be passionately and indubitably in love. Because sitting next to a member of the opposite sex while munching on fish at Nobu tends to have such amorous side effects.