LaGuardia Airport’s Pizza-Eating Contest

If you happened upon La Guardia airport today and you happen to be wandering close to the eateries around noon -- perhaps waiting for glitch-related delays to resolve -- you may walk into a guzzling, chomping, and hopefully not puking contest to determine who can eat the most pizza. Famous Famiglia is providing the pies, and La Guardia airport is providing the contestants, namely eight of their employees. The poor suckers that have been roped into this cheese-and-sauce feast will have exactly six minutes to hork down as much pizza as they can cram into their gullets.

The winner takes home $1,000, while second and third take home $500 and $250 respectively, leaving five bloated losers with nothing but grease stains and regret. There’s no word on who the contests are, or if any of them have any prior professional face-stuffing experience, or if any of them get the rest of the day off after making a gluttonous spectacle of themselves on their employer’s behalf. As to why this contest is taking place at all, no one knows, but it’s about time carnival attractions hit the terminals. If only they could get Shoot the Freak out there.