Lindsay Lohan Gets Plump—Lips, That Is

Lindsay Lohan must have been feeling a little too classy these past few weeks: no public screaming matches with Samantha Ronson, no invites to appear on Springer with the whole Lohan clan. So! LiLo joined the blowfish-as-beauty-3icon brigade, got herself a big old pair of puffed-up smackers, and caused a general disruption while shopping in SoHo. Lindsay has been hanging out with Britney again, so she knows the makeover wouldn’t be complete without a ratty mess of blond hair extensions.

Though the phrase “breaks my heart” is overused when referencing overindulged Hollywood messes, one quick glance back at the sweet little Lindsay in The Parent Trap really does break my heart. Now, she looks more suited to a career in amateur lesbian porn in the back of the Rock of Love bus. I could be a little more sympathetic. I mean, I too know the pain of having my heart broken by some skinny, scruffy-looking club kid with gender issues. I can understand how having inappropriate parents can drive someone to act out in equally inappropriate ways. What I can’t understand is how she got this latest makeover fiasco past her handlers. She’s obviously on a collision course with the D-list, but technically, isn’t she someone who still has a bunch of overpaid stylists hanging around to make sure she doesn’t wind up resembling Gene Simmons with a splash of Cher?

I kind of miss the days when LiLo was just anorexic. That, at least seemed fixable. This new incarnation seems to be another step on her sad, sad journey towards irrelevancy in fashion, acting, and pop culture, among other fields of broken dreams.