Madonna Throws Gay Bash, Injures Patrick Wolf

The last place you'd expect a gang of boulder-sized bouncers to beat up on a fairly popular indie darling noted for his flamboyance is on the stands of a Madonna gig. The fact that Patrick Wolf and his boyfriend endured traumatic assaults at one of her Madgesty's "Sticky & Sweet" shows from last fall is a horror that seems to upend the only logic that's fueled her mojo in the pop pantheon. But in defense of the bouncers, they weren't provoked. Squeamish conservative concertgoers (had they gotten lost on their way to a Nickelback show?) had complained that Wolf's insistent liplocking with his boyfriend was unnerving them.

At this point, the bouncers collectively said to Wolf, “Yo, this is a family venue so you can’t do your sliz biz ‘round these parts, dig?” Clearly they weren’t familiar with Madonna’s latest body of work. At this point, the mob from Footloose also turned up to scowl at Wolf, but he dismissed them all, continuing his love-in. This is around the part where the bouncers attacked, twisting their limbs and leaving them bloodied and immobile without painkillers. But apart from the endless supply of Vicodin, every life-altering tragedy has more enlightening upsides. For Wolf, at least this means freeing up some space on his iPod. “You know it means I can’t be bothered to listen to Madonna ever again,” he adds, “which is good because it means I have more time for better music. You live and you learn.”