Melanie B.’s Post-Spice Girls ‘Peep Show’

After half-assedly making good on their promise of a comeback tour and collecting massive paychecks that would even make dear Dick Fuld seethe with envy, the Spice Girls were always wont to dabble in more meaningful exploits posthumously. So what in Spice World are those loony broads up to now? Well, one plays high-stakes, high-fashion games of peek-a-boo -- but you probably knew that. Another mistakes our desire to see her perform a high-kick with a desire to see her continue singing, so she's exchanged her trainers for a pair of orthopedic sneakers and refashioned herself as a less-successful Melissa Etheridge. The third, meanwhile, squanders her golden years yammering about the merits of carbs. And the fourth. Sigh.

Well, the fourth finally loses her mind, becomes a single mother, and names her daughter after both a spring-flowering bulbous perennial plant and a witchy old pop singer. But just when you thought there was no hope for the only shards of pop’s past who haven’t yet pushed past the turnstile and boarded the Rehab Express, there’s Scary Spice. These days, erstwhile Scary Spice Melanie B. is hanging up her leopard print, donning lingerie, and parading through set designs reminiscent of noirish porn, all for her forthcoming Vegas-based burlesque performance Peep Show, set to unveil later this month.

Perhaps she’s made a top-secret pact with Dita Von Teese to swap careers. But Melanie B. Scary Spice Peep Diva, as she would now like you to call her, explains, “Burlesque is all about embracing and celebrating your body. A girl’s gotta have great lingerie, but it’s also all about the wink and the tease that goes with it! Modeling lingerie is really empowering and it was fantastic to get in character for the shoot and strut my stuff.” Despite a retinue of topless backup dancers, Peep Diva’s keeping her intimate bits covered. More empowering is her ability to simultaneously revel in risqué stage shows while lovingly yelling, “Oi! Put a lid in it, yeh brats!” to her daughters as she feeds them massive forkfuls of shepherd’s pie. But her turn as Burlesque Spice also finds her posing in lingerie as spokesmodel for Ultimo (not for those with a strong NSFW compunction). But Peep Diva needn’t worry about having to stifle intrusive catcalls from randy audience members. Despite the slinky underwear and promise of sensibly salacious choreography, a quick Leedsian bark ought to dress down patrons who’ve left their manners, probably along with their credit cards and maybe even wives, somewhere back at the bar.