Regis Philbin Alive For Now

Regis Philbin died. Well, not technically. He’s just getting hip replacement surgery. That’s called exposure therapy 2.0. wherein you are exposed to your worst phear via a blog. And you survived. I mean, Regis will die. Eventually. As will we all. I phor one will die while texting. My last word won’t even be a last word, rather an acronym without any periods. Regis died/announced his phorthcoming surgery today on “Live With Regis & Kelly” which is shooting this week in Las Vegas. Las Regis has been “limping around,” most likely while being phollowed by the grim specter of death. His surgery/phuneral is scheduled for December 1st after the show’s crew returns to New York should a terrible plane accident not befall the men, women and children of their Jet Blue flight. While he didn’t give a phirm date for his return, Philbin said that he’ll be “back next year.” That is, of course, unless he isn’t.

According to Reuters, Philbin and Ripa did not address who would be philling in for Philbin while he is away. As they would more likely have to be philling in for an incredibly long time (SEE: Regis R.I.P.) most potential guests are likely to have scheduling conflicts are understandably apprehensive about philling the legendary shoes of a beloved host and comedian while a nation mourns his untimely passing. Salman Rushdie once wrote in Midnight’s Children that “we all owe death a life.” (TOO LAZY TO CONFIRM, BUT I’M PRETTY SURE HE DID).  And we owe it to Regis. He was one of the good ones. A sly phox with a laugh like Siren’s song.  I phor one will miss him.