Remembering Tiananmen: Perky Pop Songs to Annoy the Chinese Government

If conspiracy theories about the Chinese government are to be believed, absolutely nothing happened 20 years ago in Tiananmen Square. No blood was spilled over cries for economic progress. So how to ruffle a few red feathers among the communist bureaucracy? By staging choral arrangements of a relevant Joan Baez standard? No! Even better, by having dissenters balance boomboxes on their shoulders, blasting the single thing that organized governments and revolutionaries who despise organized governments detest equally: pop music. Consider it a new wave in a war of attrition.

More precisely, a playlist of Chinese pop music. And considering gender inequity, a playlist consisting of songs by women, to boot.

The ideal playlist would start off with a Cantonese cover of Tori Amos’ “Silent All These Years” by Faye Wong. Because all these years, Chinese citizens have been silent about the massacre, referring to it abstractly as ”June 4 Incident.”

Then, having sufficiently riled up the government, dissenters could then torture oppressors with a hit parade by Coco Lee. They could include such banalities as this, her horrible cover of “Dancing Queen”, and most importantly, this ballad from Mulan imploring the government to take a long, deep look at its reflection.

For a bit of cultural sustenance, then, a well-timed interlude by the classically-trained 12 Girls Band (comprised of 12 girls, all of whom are—surprise!—classically trained). You may wonder how this particular song, being quite above average, would annoy them. Simple. We imagine most members of such an unforgiving government to be curmudgeonly and dour. Such uplifting, intricate melodies would no doubt cause them to recoil, like a worm in sunlight, and retreat back to whatever subterranean coffins they call home.

Then, for the final blow, the mighty protesters can resort to something that the West currently embraces—something by virtue of which the Chinese government would detest. Let’s say one such thing, in light of this week’s New Hampshire ruling, is gays. And things gay people like. Like some person named Kylie Minogue who sometimes sings a song. Sometimes with other people. In this case, with Jolin Tsai, who has her own prolific discography of tacky songs, one which could specifically serve as an excellent coda.

Well, that is unless halfway through the demonstration, the entire nation decides to outlaw pop music altogether. But even the most totalitarian regime would have better sense than to resort to such cruel measures.