Robert Pattinson Causes Eggo Shortage, Nakedness

As a nation huddles amongst their families in their living rooms tonight, heads in their anxious hands, waiting for Walter Winchell or Ryan Seacrest’s twitter to notify us of the condition of recently hospitalized Nicole Richie, we take pause to reflect on the sobering fragility of ... WAIT, WHAT? EGGO SHORTAGE? Yahoo Finance reports that Kellogg announced that it is rationing the Eggo line of goods “due to flooding and equipment problems” at two bakeries. Now you may be thinking how big just are these two bakeries if their overflowing commodes could simply halt production on the rubber stamps Kelloggs shills as waffles. And you would be right. (And adorably indignant.)

The answer is massive. So massive that you have to say it in a British accent like Ali G did before Collegiates murdered him in 2002. Rain proper-fucked one factory in Atlanta and “equipment at Kellogg’s largest waffle facility, based in Rossville, Tenn., needs extensive repairs.” Some people have taken to Twitter. Yup. Twitter. Waffle enthusiasts now employ the same method for their vitriolic expressions of despondency as civil rights protesters in Iran. Let’s see what ... nah, fuck it. Next topic. Robert Pattinson made your daughter strip for an autograph, he informed Ellen DeGeneres on Ellen. According to OMG! when one female fan asked Pattinson “how can I get your attention?” Pattinson had a novel suggestion. “I was like, um, just take your clothes off.” Not having to resort to the same payment system as Fat Joe, Pattinson adorably made it rain sharpie and smiles and your daughter took it off like she was in a Hot Topic dressing room. Come on, like you or I wouldn’t do the same in a Twi-second either.