Spotted: She-Wolf Shakira Feasting on Manflesh

A little bit of background: Shakira is a diminutive singer of Colombian origin who gave us good songs, irritating songs, and an uninspired duet with Beyoncé. She is due to release her new single, titled "She Wolf," soon. Ever the overachiever, Shakira is also releasing a Spanish-language version of the same single -- "Loba" -- which translates to "bitch," "maneater," or "slut," depending on which glossary you're consulting. She's been away for so long that most human beings no longer remember what she looks like or how to pronounce the syllables of her name; thankfully, Shakira is all too happy to assist us in embracing her comeback. With a clunky viral marketing ploy!

Said ploy features the antics of the She Wolf Hunter. The She Wolf Hunter is a fictional character, probably finely sculpted in the image of The Huntress. His or her sole mission in life is to Twitter and YouTube about She Wolf sightings. In case you’re curious, but not enough to click through on any of the links, the She Wolf looks a lot like Shakira wearing white sneakers and a mask. Meanwhile, the intrepid PR intern writing this copy is unable to follow basic rules of grammar. Track the lowbrow fiction for yourself here until it all inevitably culminates in some absurd, overclimactic music video.