Susan Boyle Collapses from Exhaustion, Graduates to Diva

Well, there you go world! You made this mess! Just like that jerk Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby, you stood by idly and watched madness tear the world asunder. Go, sign your name on this Jackson Pollock-esque monstrosity. Apparently, after placing second in Britain's Got Talent, our newest avatar for bold, feminist derring-do collapsed under exhaustion. Then she was rushed to the hospital. And you know whose fault it is? Mostly Simon Cowell's. But also yours. Maybe mine too. In case you were wondering, yes, SuBo succumbing to exhaustion is almost as sacrilegious as flag-burnings or any Brett Rattner-assisted abortions of superhero epics. Because she was supposed to be what fixed the free world. Fail!

The upside: Exhaustion now puts Boyle on the fast-track to true diva-dom. Her tumultuous trek through fame is a path that took everyone from Maria Callas to Mariah Carey upwards of an decade to stomp through. But in a matter of months, Boyle’s not only established herself as a household name, but also turned into a force. And in losing Britain’s Got Talent, she’s remained vulnerable, while ultimately emerging victorious. And in suffering from exhaustion, she’s assured all of us that her take on The Emancipation of Mimi is inevitable.

Previously in the life and times of Ms. Boyle: Public adulation! Make-overs! Pressure! Freak-outs! Now: hospitalization! Later: further enabling!