The Black List: Michael Stipe

Michael Stipe—the lead singer of the iconic alternative band R.E.M., and a keen photographer—unleashes his inner monster while proving that no one is shiny or happy all the time.

“Common courtesy is an oxymoron these days.” [R.E.M. bassist] Mike Mills said it, and I could not agree more. Here are 10 things I fucking despise:

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1. Those TMZ guys on the street who ask me rhetorical questions. Fuck off ! I’m not that smart or quick.

2. People who block sidewalks. It’s called a “sidewalk,” not a “side-annoy me.”

3. Pranks. You’re not that funny and you’re not 15. Get out of my face—I’m too earnest. I like Andy Kaufman in the abstract; that doesn’t mean I want to live with him or eat dinner with him.

4. Do not walk up to me and say, “You don’t remember me, do you?” Unless you’re Morrissey, no, I don’t. I need context.

5. Oblivious girls with big, foofy hair at concerts (It always gets in your face and mouth).

6. Anyone who doesn’t BCC. Don’t send me your address book; I don’t want it. 

7. PC mentality in general, but specifically at the doctor’s office: “I have a few forms for you to fill out.” I fucking filled those out the last six times
I came here, you ingrate, and they are identical to every other form I’ve ever filled out here.

8. Art that cannot be dusted without being destroyed. Make it fl at and easy! Fuck!

9. Flush the fucking toilet at the restaurant, or on the plane. I don’t want to look at your piss-water.

10. Fucking Dick Cheney. I know, it’s obvious, but he ruined my life.

Thanks, that was fun!