The Cinematic History of Shoddy Cellphone Service

Cellphones can put screenwriters in a bind when it comes to horror and suspense. No sooner does Jason Voorhees dismember one measly kid than fourteen others have simultaneously called the cops and Twittered about their still-in-progress near-death experience. Since no one thus armed is ever truly alone, helpless, and at the mercy of whatever terrible thing lives in the woods, writers have to fake it. The kids have just gone “too deep” into the forest. There’s a storm. Their phones have been variously mislaid, submerged, smashed. The same bits (or is “excuses” more apt?) have been so overworked that they feel de rigeur in certain kinds of genre filmmaking. Rich Juzwiak over at VH-1 is hip to this. He’s made an hilarious, exhaustive, and what I can’t help but think was a fairly labor-intensive clip reel of such moments. After the jump.

While we might be able to forgive them each in isolation, seeing them slammed up against each other like this is both amusing and punishing.