The Retrosexual Ten Commandments
August 19, 2008
Metrosexuals move over. There's a new ... sexual in town. The latest buzzphrase is retrosexual, which seems to be nothing more than a backlash to exfoliating brother in arms. In the new book The Retrosexual Manual: How to Be a Real Man, Dave Besley delves into the grizzled world of manliness and machismo. Check out the book yourself and flip through the pages while watching Mad Men, or just read the Retrosexual Ten Commandments:
1. A retrosexual always pays for the date. If she tries to insist, so much the better. He still pays.
2. A retrosexual deals with it. Flat car batteries, house break-ins, cable TV malfunction, earthquake damage -- he just gets on with it.
3. A retrosexual never acknowledges he is in a relationship.
4. A retrosexual always carves the Sunday roast. Make sure you know what you’re doing—practise on the cat, spend an hour taking notes at the kebab shop.
5. A retrosexual is never seen in the passenger seat, unless it is a minicab, in which case he asks the driver if he can sit in the front.
6. A retrosexual must never cry in public. When he is alone he can cry in two instances—the death of a faithful dog or his team’s defeat in a Cup semi-final.
7. A retrosexual has a complete set of tools and at least three types of power tool, which he is often seen handling, if not actually using.
8. A retrosexual refuses to see a doctor even if he has a rare tropical disease that means his genitals are about to fall off. He is, however, allowed to let everyone know how he is suffering from the common cold.
9. A retrosexual should have at least one wound, with an accompanying story which lasts at least five minutes.
10. A retrosexual always stands in a pub. Seats are for couples and for Guardian readers.
Comments (4)
Posted by Clarke on Tue Aug 19, 2008 at 10.00 pm
I know! But the British ... they’re different than you and me.
Posted by Jessica on Tue Aug 19, 2008 at 11.11 pm
I can’t decide if I agree that they are rejects to metrosexual or if they are grizzly reconstruction/dominionists.
Real men don’t move backwards from which they came.
Posted by hollygonightly on Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 06.34 pm
How ever satirical this may be, it will still give frat boys and popped collars validation.
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Posted by walker on Tue Aug 19, 2008 at 08.44 pm
Leave it to modern homo insipidus to come up with something like this. Despairing at the fact that even trying looking nice and well-manicured still didn’t get him girls, he turns towards consulting prehistory for cues on picking up women. And then leave it to homo economicus to write a bloody book about it.
Real men don’t buy books about how to be a real man.