Tori Amos vs. Lady Gaga, Round 1

Maybe all of that banter about Lady Gaga becoming the next Tori Amos really struck a nerve with the veteran pianista. Because here she is, taking the offensive in The Sun, saying things like how Lady Gaga is a "meteor," which isn't to say that she's a sand- to boulder-sized particle of debris shooting through the solar system. Rather, Amos simply means that, as a meteor, Gaga is one of many "singers who entertain people for a while." She adds undermine-ing-ly, "Hey, there's nothing wrong with that."

You see, Lady Gaga is, unlike Heidi Montag, a definitive recessionomic heroine. Amos expounds, “She wants to entertain people. Right now, half the world is depressed and they need to be entertained. So her timing’s perfect.” But the conversation soon descends to arguments which find Neil Young and the word “bum” in too close proximity. “But then there are people like Neil Young who show up at Glastonbury 40 years into their career. And that’s a very different kind of artist. Neil Young doesn’t have to get his bum out on stage! The question is, will Lady GaGa be playing alongside Neil Young at Glastonbury in 20 years time?”

But Amos should know well that no popstrel enters the biz gunning for longevity. Especially when only a few years ago, she had to resort to a little bit of stunt casting in order to give her own career a lift. To her credit, Gaga remains unapologetic about her sensational stabs at scintillation. More to the point, she never subjects concert-goers to a 10 minute reswizzle of one of the more depressing tunes in her oeuvre, rather only a three minute aural assault—primarily in the form of her debut single.

Although most of us are probably siding with New York Magazine in their idle hope that Gaga takes the bait and snarks, “Wish you would’ve stayed silent all these years, you ginger freak!” Similarly, none of us would put it past Amos to fire back, “Never was a Cornflake girl / Thought that was a good solution / Hangin’ with the raisin girls / She’s gone to the other side / Givin’ us the old heave ho / Things are getting kind of gross,” before dismissing this entire squabble because her next overlong odyssey about sexual inequity in America won’t write itself.


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