Amid the typhoon of tulle, we've learned a single important lesson as this year's season of Fashion Weeks unspooled worldwide: teenybopping once-stars would do well to keep their participation in runway exhibitions strictly spectatorial. Otherwise you end up with a Hot Topic-for-slutty-tweens debacle like Avril Lavigne did. Or worse, you could actually pour your blood, sweat, and tears into a collection, only to end up with a day-glo, heart-shaped failure on your hands. But with so much fabric going up in flames and giving scribes everywhere a reason to beat the word "sartorial" senseless until it loses all further meaning, perhaps a play-by-play is in order to determine the loseriest loser of them all: Abbey Dawn or LiLo for Ungaro?

EFFORT Lavigne: Let's be honest here. She sat down one day and while popping cashews in her mouth probably doodled something onto a piece of Ramada Inn stationery. Suffice to say, she was moved by what she sketched. I mean, blown away. So she faxed the designs to an agent, who in turn, rounded up a bunch of desperate interns from FIT and the New School who brought this collection to life. Lohan: Meanwhile for House of Ungaro, it's noted that Lohan collaborated with designer Estrella Archs. At least theirs was a more creative genesis. Loser: Lavigne, no contest.

INTENT Lavigne: The pieces from Lavigne's Abbey Dawn line were intended to be worn by human beings during daylight. Lohan: The pieces from the House of Ungaro collection are probably meant to be worn to posh clubs where you're trying to get the attention of your well meaning, but exhausted boyish girlfriend. Loser: Lavigne, again.

RUNWAY PRESENTATION Lavigne: Models walked down the catwalk to a six-song loop of Lavigne's greatest hits, two of which were "Girlfriend." Lohan: For the House of Ungaro presentation, models probably had an actual soundtrack and the added glitz of the Louvre as a backdrop. Loser: Lavigne -- and not because of her inability to secure something as historic as the Louvre, but for her "Girlfriend" assault.

POISE Lavigne: Upon the presentation's conclusion, Lavigne strutted down the catwalk and she looked -- ugh, fine! -- gorgeous and confident -- and perhaps it's that air that suckered Kohl's into a deal to sell Abbey Dawn nationwide. Although it's unlikely that Lavigne herself was wearing anything that was part of the collection. Lohan: Lohan, on the other hand, burst into tears, reportedly. Not because she was necessarily jeered, but I think those were Tears of Joy. Regardless, that's what backstage is for. Loser:Lohan.

CRITICAL CONSENSUS Lavigne: "Abbey Yawn." Lohan: "House of Fugaro." Loser: Tie!

With one draw, a single loss on Lohan's side, and three on Lavigne's, it's clear that Lavigne's Fashion Week debut was more tragic. Ideally, she'd stop tailoring clothes and stick to tailoring mediocre pop tunes. Obviously when the profits start flooding in from Bismarck, North Dakota or wherever they have a Kohl's, Lavigne will probably run right back to that Ramada Inn and hide away again until her next burst of genius. Which, by the by, LiLo already has in spades. In turn, this will cause her to punch the air defiantly and cry, "Why?" of a world that never seems to cut her a break.