Atlantis

Sol Kerzner’s flagship resort on Dubai’s Palm Jumeriah. Disneyesque castle. Largest water-themed park in the Middle East, superlatives covered. The guest entrance is ornate with golds and azure blues. Visitor entrance induces vomit-in-mouth scenario. The Little Mermaid’s nightmare. Dolphin statues, fake reeds and cookie stores eek tack. Overweight tourists in obligatory caps and leggings coat the grand aquarium with sticky fingers. Salmon exterior lacks the pizzazz of its rival the sparkling Jumeriah Beach Hotel. Accommodation-wise superstars seek refuge in the Bridge Suite. Floor-to-ceiling views of the Palm Jumeirah. Private elevator for recluses with cash to spend.