The only thing more facepalming than someone who might plan a vacation based off the 50 Shades Of Grey BDSM erotica novels is someone who would actually go on such a vacation. Alas, hotels throughout the Pacific Northwest are all too happy too happy to oblige: several have planned special "50 Shades" packages — sadomasochistic sex not included.
According to CNN, Hotel Max in Seattle is offering a two-night stay in an Artist King room with a chauffeured town car, a helicopter tour of the city, and a private sail in Puget Sound "with a bottle of Bollinger Grande Annee Rose 1999 Champagne, a favorite of Mr. Grey himself."
The Edgewater Hotel in Seattle offers a similar 50 Shades of Romance package, which also includes a Puget Sound sail and a bottle of Bollinger. But this package lets guests test drive an Audi sports car, which billionaire Christian Grey purchased for his young submissive Anastasia Steele in the books.
Portland's The Heathman Hotel appears in the 50 Shades book and ups the romantic ante with roses and limo rides, as well as a helicopter tour of the city. An additional $40 will get burgeoning kinksters at the Heathman a bottle of chilled white wine and a grey tie. Hopefully the wine will liquor you up enough to try your own 50 Shades-style spankings ... or deal with the bill. The whole Heathman package will set you back a Christian Grey-ian $2,790.
Interestingly none of these packages have a room called the Red Room Of Pain, the location where Anastasia Steele enjoys many of her BDSM play sessions in the book. I suppose hotels know that advertising "pain" in a hotel room is a little bit like advertising "bedbugs," regardless of what vanilla mommy porn foolishness actually goes on in it.