Ain't nothing sexier than Gilbert Gottfried's soothing voice, right? Here, let him read Fifty Shades of Grey to you. (Boner alert!) [Gawker]

Speaking of boners, the new trailer for Magic Mike, Steven Soderbergh's male stripper epic starring Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, and that werewolf from True Blood, is chock-full of pecs and abs. There is, however, a woeful lack of actual nudity. [EW]

OK, OK, enough about dicks. How about a video in which women list of what will never go in their vaginas? (Sorry, mixologists.) [The Gloss]

The second season of Girls is about to begin shooting in New York City, and casting directors are looking for a slew of "hipster types" to play supporting roles on the show. Gee, do you think they'll find any? [Observer]

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever go on a cruise. Duh. [The Hairpin]

I can't even think of a more clever way to describe it, so: a graphical measure of GOP candidate popularity in the form of butt plugs. [Best Week Ever]