I haven’t paid much attention to Adam Lambert since, well ever. But when news broke that he of eyeliner and dramatic haridos was going to be the new frontman for Queen for an upcoming tour you sort of have to take notice.  Reported by everyone from Rolling Stone to MTV to local papers and just about every website around, it’s just not true.

● Adam Lambert was arrested outside a club in Finland last night for fighting with his boyfriend, all of which he blames on "Jetlag+Vodka." "Lesson learned," he then assured on Twitter, adding that "Sauli+Adam+hangover burgers= laughing bout it." [EW]

I freak out when I'm walking down the street and a piece of dust floats in my eye: Maybe it's an asbestos-ridden particle! I'm going to wake up blind! The ironic thing about this irrational fear is that I am pretty fearless when it comes to putting known immune toxicants, like Coumarin, directly on my eyes, and letting it sit there all day. If you wear eyeliner then you're probably taking the same brazen risks. The FDA cannot require companies to test the safety of their cosmetic products, and this billion-dollar industry is largely comprised of companies marketing products with ingredients that are known to pose health risks, some of which can be fatal. Might as well play it safe and go with natural, organic eyeliners. I've recently fallen in lust with Vapour Organic Beauty's Mesmerize Eyeliner.

● Director Sofia Coppola and her indie rocker husband Thomas Mars of Phoenix welcomed their second daughter, Cosmina, in New York City, where she'll be the coolest kid at daycare. [PopEater] ● Mena Suvari was married in Vatican City, dooming her union to be small, out of touch, and micromanaged. [People] ● Kate Gosselin's botox makes Nicole Kidman look like Betty White. [US Weekly]

Justin Bieber might be a so-so singer and sure, he knows how to dance like Usher, but that doesn't change the fact that he has a really stupid haircut. It's like a winter hat made out of hair, pulled down to his eyelids. It's so windswept it looks like he's been sailing on the SS Gimmeabreak for months. Still, as much as we'd love to caress Justin's scalp with a razor, it's still not as bad as it gets. Plus, he's too young to be making his own decisions, so really, it's his manager who deserves to be shot. Here are five people who are presumably in charge of their hair, but probably shouldn't be.

Get ready for guyliner to make a comeback, if Adam Lambert has his way. The American Idol star is looking to pick up where Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz left off in the crusade to get guys to start spending as much time prepping for a night out as their female counterparts. And it's not just guyliner that Lambert is planning on packaging and hawking to dudes; his man makeup "will also feature everything from foundation, concealer, shadow, mascara, and lip gloss, to nail polish," says Janet Charltons.

Yesterday, as I strolled through my local supermarket's poultry aisle, this song came on and I thought to myself, "How lovely! Melissa Etheridge has a new, youth-skewing single out! That is terrific of her!" But then just as I chanced upon racks of chicken feet, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't Melissa Etheridge wailing, "Hey, slow it down / Whataya want from me / Whataya want from me / Yeah, I'm afraid / Whataya want from me / Whataya want from me." But rather, it was the dulcet tones of Adam Lambert. What a babe! At this epiphany, I nearly threw up all over the open cooler of chicken's feet. Whether that was due to the unnerving sight of hacked-off chicken feet selling for $1.59 a pound or to hearing this bit of pop discord is anyone's guess. But good on Lambo for getting a radio station to play his song, especially after this kerfuffle. That makes it all the easier for him to pursue his latest goal: Encouraging America's youth to drop acid. Adam, you rogue!

Reportage of anything Adam Lambert-related is a lot like an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race: You can actually hear her highness' voice echoing in your ears, "Start your engines! May the best woman win!" Lambert will do something infuriatingly asinine. Then he'll wonder why everyone's so quick to jump down his throat. It's a study in comparisons of American Idol alumna. Because for every Lambert, you have someone graceful like Kelly Clarkson--who, despite putting out album after album of solid pop gems--continues to stay humble in the face of the most intrusive media speculation. She shirks garish eyeliner and costumes, letting her music sing for itself. But unlike her junior Idol peer, Clarkson doesn't kick and scream whenever the media tries to rake her over coals. She'll just find a smart way to say, "Oh, that's nice, but I've already sold like 23 million albums worldwide so eff you very much."

So I just glanced down at my nonexistent wristwatch and y'all know what time it is? Time to put to bed unsavory rumors that find one of the world's worst pop singers will escort an Oscar nominee down the red carpet. So here you go: Adam Lambert will not be Up in the Air's Anna Kendrick plus-one to the Oscars next month. I know it's cute to think, "LOL! What if a boy who likes other boys goes with a -- gasp! -- lady to a public function where all the town will be a-flutter?" And to be fair, it wouldn't exactly be the first time, because everyone in Hollywood may be gay anyway, their ladies playing the role of well-dressed beard. And with this role priming her to slide up into the A-list, it only seems sensible that Kendrick, to the utter despair of some gay men, should elect one to be her pinkest, glitteriest accessory. After all, it's a piece of well-iced bling that helps one tart stand out from the next at the Oscars.

● Oscar nominee Anna Kendrick may bring Adam Lambert to the Oscars, to class up the joint. [Movieline] ● An intrepid reporters has a rendezvous with Nevada’s only prosti-dude. Must read. [NYPost] ● Gabourey Sidibe continues her charm offensive, in this morning’s interview about her Oscar nomination. [Jezebel] ● Find out if your city likes Gaga and Radiohead more or less than other cities around the world. [My City vs. Your City]