It's been a while since anyone has asked 'where are they now?' about former America's Next Top Model contestants, but it's probably because it's too depressing to answer. You may see them perched on a banquette at Marquee or in the pages of New York Social Diary, but it's become evident that the only career prospering over on ANTM is Tyra Banks's. And yet, ANTM fans still have hope! Their personal messiah? Last season's Southern ginger Nicole Fox, who went blackface, won Cycle 13 and later beat the odds by landing a lucrative contract with Alexander McQueen. At least that was the proclamation heard around the internet, prompting the fashion house to get all "WTF are you smoking?!" and deny the fan-fueled rumors.

● Did Kanye West bring an android to the Metropolitan Opera’s 125th anniversary gala? Oh no, that’s just his new girlfriend, "model" Amber Rose. [JustJared] ● Jonah Hill is the latest student of the Judd Apatow school to be reinventing a Hollywood "favorite." Hill is set to remake 21 Jump Street, a.k.a. the 80s show Johnny Depp wishes he’d never done. [WaMG] ● What happens when a cab overheats and someone yells "BOMB" at the America’s Next Top Model auditions in Manhattan? Pure chaos. Wonder if Tyra will do a special episode? [Youtube]

Unless you're John McCain and you've resigned from the presidential race after realizing you shot yourself in the foot with a loose-cannon "rogue" of a VP pick, you're probably trying to rack up some of those crucial 11th-hour celebrity endorsements. Fortunately for America's future, Oprah's already in the tank for Barack Obama. But another deified TV magnate, Tyra Banks, has also announced her support for the Democratic candidate. Always the political pundit, Banks says, "Throughout this historic presidential campaign, I have been inspired by Senator Barack Obama and his message of change -- I believe he will uplift all Americans during these critical times. I will be voting for Obama because I feel America is not only ready for this change, we are in need of it." And here I was thinking she'd be casting a ballot just so she can claim that free scoop at Ben and Jerry's.

One of my closest friends once tried out for America's Next Top Model and failed to make it. It doesn't help that she was well on her way towards attaining a graduate degree and had a pleasant handful of Robert Frost poems memorized. I didn't have the heart to tell her that this made her charming, intelligent and lovely -- all traits which naturally precluded her chances of being in Tyra's top 12. All for the best, I suppose, because what do you do when you've been dismissed from Top Model? You go back for more abuse.

This has been, like, the worst week for the fashion industry. Ever. Maybe that's wee melodramatic, but consider this: First, we see Janice Dickinson in real life at some party and fear we've stumbled into an avian wax museum. Then, later last week, Whitney wins the title—which, let's face it, means absolutely nothing to anyone—of "America's Next Top Model." It was supposed to be a moment for bigger gals everywhere. And it would have been, I suppose, had Whitney not been such a terrible phony and had she not stomped down the catwalk like Iron Man with two broken arms.