Ashton Kutcher is taking time away from Twittering and being married, and that obviously leaves a lot of free time for the actor. Sure, he could spend that time focusing a bit more on his stellar work on Two and a Half Men. Or he could just make famous people feel uncomfortable in front of a bunch of hidden cameras.

● Ashton Kutcher was "swarmed by girls" when he went out in Iowa City while home for Thanksgiving. Just like you were, when you went out to the local bar the night before Thanksgiving, right? [Us]

OK. We suspect you've heard the news already. So we begin with: I know, right? In which we follow up with: On a Thursday night! And then we finish with: Here is the rest of the news you need to hear about the annoucement. 

Last night, following the firing of much-loved Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, Penn State students took to the streets of State College, Pennsylvania, to declare their unhappiness with the Board of Directors' decision. "They turned their ire on a news van," reports the New York Times, "a symbolic gesture that expressed a view held by many that the news media exaggerated Mr. Paterno’s role in the scandal surrounding accusations that a former assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, sexually assaulted young boys." While the students rioted outside their dorm rooms, plenty of people went on Twitter to declare their satisfaction with Paterno's firing. One dissenter? Prolific Twitter user and Two and a Half Men star Ashton Kutcher.

● You've heard the rumors about Ashton and Demi being dunzo? Well, Ashton broke his twitter silence yesterday to warn, "When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of, you make an ASS out of U and ME." It's unclear, however, who that was directed at. [Us] ● The wonderfully un-hinged Courtney Love hopes to "set the record straight" -- or whatever that means coming from her -- with a memoir, due out next fall. [P4K] ● Someone covered Justin Theroux's BMW motorcycle with a "blanket of bologna" while it was parked outside Jennifer Aniston's West Village apartment. [Page Six]

● For his 29th birthday, Lil Wayne got a ukelele from his daughter Reginae, a gumball machine from his girl Dhea, and a cover of his own "How To Love" from "his little homie" Justin Bieber. Not a bad haul! [PopDust] ● Demi and Ashton are on the rocks. Rumor has it that Demi is sick of Ashton's cheating, and so the two have been living apart since July and are readying a $290 million divorce. How do we know it's serious? They've both stopped tweeting. [NYDN] ● "Just because you're an actor or you make films or whatever, doesn't mean you're not entitled to your own personal privacy," said Scarlett Johansson in response to the nude pictures of her floating around on the internet. "It just feels unjust. It feels wrong." [NYDN]

When future generations painstakingly pick apart our current civilization month by month, they will pause at the events of last spring and say, “Charlie Sheen was crazy!” Then they’ll move on and forget all about him, something we’re incapable of doing. Between his Comedy Central roast this Sunday and the upcoming premiere of Two and a Half Men, everyone seems to be talking about Charlie Sheen again. You’re probably thinking, “Didn’t he die?” Apparently not, and according to E!, Jon Cryer is “thrilled” about that.

September 2: A Good Old Fashioned Orgy penetrates theaters, which is nice, because those molecular nanotechnological orgies were starting to piss us off. September 3: David Guetta headlines day two of the Electric Zoo music festival, where synthesizers plus MDMA equals white people dancing. September 7: Party like a fact-checker! BlackBook celebrates its 15th anniversary with a massive blowout at the new dream downtown hotel’s PH-D rooftop lounge.

● Universal is using The Big Lebowski to launch their Social Theater on Facebook, an application with which allows viewers to stream movies for 30 Facebook credits or $3. The Dude of Facebook? 'Like.' [THR] ● Surely GOOP has touched at least a few lives, but we can't say we expected to hear that Gwyneth Paltrow is saving lives, too! In this particular case, a woman claims she was late to work on 9/11 after Gwyneth nearly ran her over in a large SUV. [People] ● The Weeknd's finally let go of his much anticipated second mixtape, Thursday, and it's as as dark, sleazy, wonderful as the last. and features Drake. It's available for free download from his site. [The Weeknd]

● The first Casey-Anthony-is-a-free-person pics have been taking as the tot mom went shopping in Ohio. Win the Superbowl, go to Disneyland! Get acquitted of murdering your daughter, go to Old Navy! [TMZ] ● Things are finally looking up for New Jersey! After having its reputation smeared by tanning oil, reports indicate that the Garden State might get its very own F1 race by 2013. [WSJ] ● The new full-length trailer for Moneyball, otherwise known as your last chance to see fat Jonah Hill, has hit the web [/Film]