Last week, while out with my fiancée, I randomly stumbled across an exhibition of a military training simulator in a gallery space in Flatiron district. There was a man in full combat gear, head-mounted goggles, and an extremely real-looking gun playing a 3D video game by moving around and squeezing the trigger. He was in a square area, with sensors mounted on tall corner poles, each strung together by a thick black wire at the top. A large flat-screen showed his viewpoint in the game as he controlled his computer likeness using his movements and gun controls. It all looked very cool, in an Osama bin Laden raid kind of way.

When I conceived of this series of articles about SXSW Interactive, I figured I’d start by talking about the obvious philosophical inconsistencies in the entire production, then I’d make a spectacle of the conspicuous consumption that goes on in Austin during the festival (not all of it directly related to the festival, but it can’t be escaped one way or another), and finally I’d wrap up with an article talking about all the good things I thought were worth remembering. It turns out the most memorable thing that happened to me in Austin was how I was assaulted and ended up in jail.

It’s an understatement to say that SXSW Interactive has become “commercial” -- it makes Nickleback look indie (that band will probably give a keynote about social media next year). SXSW can be an extremely effective branding opportunity for businesses of all types. Thus there are many complimentary services and goods available throughout the festival. Some of them are weak (another heavy cotton t-shirt with your whiz-bang logo on it? Really?), some of them are helpful (my fiancee will be pleased with all of the canvas totes), and some are downright outrageous. I’ve cataloged them in this list, where I’ll rank them for you on the Star Jones Scale of Shameless Giftmongering (1 is relatively shame-free, while 10 is for the type of giveaway that obliterates any last trace of your conscience).

I am a metaphor for SXSW Interactive. I'm sitting in one of the first presentations of the festival, a session that aims to show how programming code can be expressed like classical music. While I'm listening, I'm writing this article on a mobile device. And I'm digesting a hurriedly eaten lunch. SXSWi, similarly, tries to advance complicated creative pursuits while serving a massive horde of commercial interests. And, like me, it is filled with free food and beer.

Just like the writers, make it up as you go along

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