● Chelsea Handler will host the MTV Video Music Awards, the first woman to do so since Roseanne Barr in 1994. Better luck in your next life, Kathy Griffin. And yes, Joan Rivers, you are too old. [NYT] ● Brittany Murphy's mother Sharon Murphy told police that after her daughter's death she shared a bed with Brittany's late husband Simon Monjack. [TMZ] ● So it's true: Kat Von D confirmed via Twitter that she's dating Jesse James, but then deleted the tweet because, uh, who wants to be dating Jesse James? [PopEater]

● Simon Monjack was found dead in his Los Angeles home just months after his wife, the actress Brittany Murphy, died after going into cardiac arrest. His cause of death is as of yet unknown. [LAT] ● Saturday Night Live skit-turned-unnecessary feature film, MacGruber, bombed hard at the box office, pulling in only $4.1 million, or way less than A Night at the Roxbury. [HR] ● Mark Twain's autobiography, which he demanded be kept sealed for 100 years after his death, is scheduled for release this year. [DM]

● A 13-year-old, exceptionally awkward Ke$ha performed Radiohead's "Karma Police" at a middle school talent show. You've come a long way, baby? [Buzzfeed] ● A Facebook glitch sent boatloads of people's private messages to unsuspecting recipients. Luckily, a journalist got 128 of them and now we all know everyone's business. [WSJ] ● Missing actor Andrew Koenig, best known for playing Boner on Growing Pains, was found dead by suicide, nearly two weeks after being reported missing. [CNN]

● Historian and activist Howard Zinn died at 87, as if the left wasn't dead enough already. [Boston Globe] ● An MTA employee brought a wild chicken on the subway where he proceeded to grope it and make everyone uncomfortable. [Gothamist] ● Brittany Murphy's husband Simon Monjack plans to file a wrongful death suit against Warner Bros., alleging that losing a role in Happy Feet led to her heart attack. And apparently his delusions? [TMZ] ● Something, something Apple iPad... [Just Kidding!]

Maybe I'm asking for too much, but can't we all just shut the eff up and remember Brittany Murphy for all her many wonderful contributions to cinema and music? A deluge of stupid headlines by nimrods trying to pick at the carcass of Murphy's career continues to plague the worldwide web. Especially considering that foul plays has been ruled out and autopsy results are over a month away. Who are among the web's biggest offenders in failing to honor the dead?

Just when you think that Death has claimed so many lives in the oughties--making sport out of everyone from Heath Ledger to Bea Arthur to Michael Jackson--that he may fuck off for a while, the bastard swoops in for one last kill this year: Brittany Murphy. She was 32 when she was pronounced dead this morning by a heart attack. And while we could dwell on how a past checkered with drug abuse and eating disorders could've contributed to such tragedy, let's instead ruminate on the potential--however realized or not it may be--of Cher Horowitz's most successful make-over project from Clueless. That is, a leading lady who was so clearly on the up-and-up, that a brush with Oscar and consequent superstardom was not such a far-fetched idea.

A few short years ago, Brittany Murphy was omniscient. Like God, or the Orbit gum lady. She used to do crap-fests and Oscar-caliber strokes of indie genius with equal aplomb. But, apparently, she's a little hard on her luck these days. Her character in the upcoming Mickey Rourke flick The Expendables (who you'll recall she worked with in this facsimile of Requiem For a Dream) has proved to be, well, expendable. During rip-roaring rounds of rewrites, the malevolent they went ahead and deleted her entirely from the script. Haters. We can all say such things as, "Oh this happens all the time in production!" and "Brittany's a dream to work with, so it's not personal!" but the question will remain. How does one of America's it-girls end up with such Lohanian failures and a stray straight-to-DVD Ramen-mongering role?

A few weeks ago, this poster inspired me to write a post entitled "Whatever Happened to Brittany Murphy's Career?" This inspiration was fleeting since I soon realized I was writing about Brittany Murphy's career. Today, I'm forced to revisit this increasingly irrelevant actress because the trailer for a ghastly looking movie starring Murphy called The Ramen Girl has popped up online.