People have been looking for a good reason to hate Gisele Bundchen for a long time. Her hair is perfect, she has the best body in the Western Hemisphere, she’s married to the most attractive football player of all time, and she never really says too much one way or the other. It’d be way easier to hate her if she was a crazy blogger/Tweeter and expressed all of her innermost feelings publicly, like ANTM’s Adrianne Curry or Lindsay Lohan. But this week, Gisele anti-fans and mothers everywhere are hatin’ on the supermodel thanks to an interview in Harpers Bazaar UK in which Gisele tells her interviewer that she wishes there were a "worldwide law" that would force mothers to "breastfeed their babies for six months." Hard advice to take from a millionaire supermodel with a flat stomach, great hair, and a smokin' hot, rich husband. What other incidents should've been cut short by more vigilant PR reps? Several instances after the jump.

• So in news regarding the finest non-Lady Gaga-related moment to happen in music this week, Solange is encouraging everyone to pirate her well-done do-over of The Dirty Projectors' "Stillness Is the Move" after Universal keeps taking down free downloads of the cover across the web. To that end, here's a great place to start. [Jezebel] • Barf bags at the ready please: Jon Gosselin may or may not have filmed a sex tape wherein he does a couple bumps. His flack is devastated that us gossip folks are running with this rumor. He'd be devastated to know that most of us would run with rumors of J.Goss turning out to be swine flu patient zero, too. [Us] • While on the topic of crowdsourced pornography: Carrie Prejean's total swag count now includes eight sex tapes and 30 photographs. You'll remember that some fraction of this entire package was being shopped around for $100,000 earlier this year. [New York Daily News] • Having humbled everyone from Kanye West to country stalwart Wynonna Judd, Swift has the entire world rolling around in her palms. Her next conquest: A quick cash-in on vampires via a potential stint on Vampire Diaries [Digital Spy]

• So in news regarding the finest non-Lady Gaga-related moment to happen in music this week, Solange is encouraging everyone to pirate her well-done do-over of The Dirty Projectors' "Stillness Is the Move" after Universal Records keeps taking down free downloads of the cover across the web. To that end, here's a great place to start. [Jezebel] • Barf bags at the ready please: Jon Gosselin may or may not have filmed a sex tape wherein he does a couple bumps. His flack is devastated that us gossip folks are running with this rumor. He'd be devastated to know that most of us would run with rumors of J.Goss turning out to be patient zero for swine flu, too. [Us] • Speaking of crowdsourced pornography: Carrie Prejean's total swag count now includes eight sex tapes and 30 photographs. You'll remember that some fraction of this entire package was being shopped around for $100,000 earlier this year. [New York Daily News] • Having humbled everyone from Kanye West to country stalwart Wynonna Judd, Swift has the entire world rolling around in her palms. Her next conquest: A quick cash-in on vampires via a potential stint on Vampire Diaries [Digital Spy] • Did you know they found water on the moon? This allows the Associated Press the chance to parade out some of their finest puns? [AP] • Perpetually periled artist Shepard Fairey hosted/DJed at a marriage equality party the other night. [Queerty] • And, it behooves discerning cineastes who rank The Family Man as one of the Top 5 films ever to note this: Nic Cage has not only lost two houses and his dignity, but owes the IRS just under $7 million in back taxes. But be calm, Cagey folks! Johnny Depp is lending his friend a hand. He feels indebted to Cage for a part he got in this flick. [Celebuzz] • Here to there: Lindsay Lohan is not only hard at work for her follow-up to her disastrous Ungaro debut, but she's also teamed up with jeweler Pascal Mouawad to sew popcorn necklaces or something. [Access Hollywood]

All the telltale signs were there. The glint of crazy in her eye. The Sarah Palin fandom. The miscategorization of Michelle Obama and Sonia Sotomayor as granola-munching, ganja-smoking liberals. That initial ominous crease in her brow. Her cautious stern tone. Still, somehow we thought that when Carrie Prejean was going to have a sit-down with Larry King to try to shed a little light on the house of horrors that some neurologists would call her brain, we'd learn a thing or two. Instead all we got was an uppity equine neighing on about, "Oh woe is me! Why is the world so unfair! Why am I unable to understand the English language, Larry King! I'm so angry even though you're switching topics, I'm going to make a total shitshow of myself on national television and create a scene because Regina George was modeled in my image and buy my effing book okay? LOL."

Somewhere in a bedroom wallpapered with tulip-pink ponies, Carrie Prejean sits defeated on the floor, cotillion dresses strewn about, stuffed animals torn apart, their cottony insides spilling out. Her cheeks are stained with mascara, and all around her, there's a sea of newspaper clippings from her brief time as Miss California. With her fame arc reaching its final nadir, it makes sense to learn that no one wanted to cough up the cash to buy her sex tape. You may be asking, "Carrie who?" And I'd remark something about the only person in this entire universe more odious than Perez Hilton.

● Is Lindsay Lohan picking over Sienna Miller’s sloppy seconds? Lindsay was evidently late to her court appearance last week because she was making out with Balthazar Getty at a club till the wee hours of the morning. [Dose] ● Blue Bloods, the vampire TV vehicle Mary-Kate Olsen was to star in for the CW, was not picked up because it was too similar to Gossip Girl. Er, OK. [Limelife] ● K2 Productions, which directs the Miss California USA pageant, is suing Carrie Prejean to get their breast implants back -- or at least the $5,200 they paid for them. [E!]

Quelle horreur! Here we are, stepping out into the first day of September, yet still dealing with the cultural backwash from August (which is actually residual from the seven months preceding). Clearly it's time to sneer our lips, scrunch our noses, and start pointing fingers. If you've got tar and feathers, or maybe a small family of bees and some honey, now's the time to arm yourself. This year has given us too many high-profile personalities who have turned their dumb-assery into a marketable skill. But some have been more insidious than others. They've pushed our collective sympathy to the brink, while proving to be nothing more than cultural tumors lodged on our brain, forcing at least a square millimeter of gray matter to hold the simple syllables of their names. And so as fall sets in, it's alright to vigilantly tear down these celebrity gossip news spammers.

Recently, none other than pop impresario Beyoncé invited me over to her manse and hosted an invitation-only soft-topics panel [note: did not actually happen], wherein she explained the nuances of being a diva, most specifically noting how "Diva is a female version of a hustler." When I raised my hand and asked, "What do you hustle? Strange-looking sunglasses and freakum dresses?" she cracked her whip and shrieked, "Quiet down, child." Well, then. But through the course of this seemingly endless week, Beyoncé and her ilk did a number of things that divas tend to do.

It's like that one scene from Jawbreaker where everyone decides they all really hate Rose McGowan despite fawning over her for the better part of their high school careers and so they heckle her until she runs out of the high school dance hysterically sobbing. Defeated. Shamed. Stripped of all dignity. At least this is how we imagine Carrie Prejean must feel -- even with lawyers currently championing her case -- having had the Miss California sash ruthlessly torn from her frame only weeks after getting Donald Trump went public with his endorsement. So who to now focus unwarranted ire and beady eyes on, while sinisterly drumming our fingertips together and hissing, "Excellent"? One-time Miss Oregon Teen USA 2002 Tami Farrell, obvies. Obligatory Prejean-Farrell compare and contrast after the break.

It was Beauty & the Beast as Donald Trump lowered his gavel today and let justice (for some, not all) ring across this land -- a land that has long since lost interest in swine flu, but maintained interest in the prospects of Carrie Prejean's state-endorsed breasts. Grunted Trump, "Carrie will remain Miss California. She will do a fantastic job." He also went onto growl about her thoughts on gay marriage, by saying, "She gave an answer form her heart and that has to be commended." And then, snarling just a little bit, Trump rendered his verdict on the prospect of Prejean's topless assets. He noted, "We are in the 21st century. I talked about relevance. We have determined that the pictures taken are fine."