The ingenue decided to come out as bisexual "to return the favor."

● Charlie Sheen was roasted last night on Comedy Central. Mostly people just thought it was funny when an otherwise incomprehensible Mike Tyson ended his bit by calling himself the "greatest poet alive" and threatening, "I will eat your children!" [AP/Yahoo] ● BFFs Ashely Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens ducked out of New York Fashion Week and into an East Village tattoo shop to get inked together. Tisdale went for "jamais seule" (french for "never alone") on her food, and Hudgens got the symbol for "Om" on her hand. [NYDN] ● Lest the bump not be proof enough, Beyoncé is reportedly "bonkers" for bananas dipped in ketchup and definitely pregnant. [The Sun]

● Gwenyth Paltrow gets that life is long and eyes will wander. "If death by virus was a punishment for extra-marital affairs, there would only be three dudes left in this world right now," she said. [Daily Telegraph] ● Reese Witherspoon was rushed to the hospital yesterday after being struck by a car being driven by an 84-year-old woman. [KTLA] ● Joe Jonas got high at a fancy Soho club with a blogger's friend and now everybody knows and hardly anybody cares. It's tough out there for a former Disney Star. [XOJane]

● Kim Kardashian got her first bikini wax at the jejune age of twelve and has since been hooked. "I'm, like, obsessed with hair removal," she said of her grooming habits, which apparently include forehead waxes. [DailyMail] ● Pulitzers were announced yesterday, and Jennifer Egan's acclaimed A Visit From The Goon Squad took a much-deserved place in the winners circle. [Pulitzer] ● James Franco and Winona Ryder are set to star together in the insanely meta-sounding film The Stare. Ryder's character is a playwright haunted by her work as it moves toward production. Franco, who's producing the film alongside one of his NYU professors, will play a performer in the playwright's production. It's hard to imagine a film like this could have been better cast. [Deadline]

● Heidi Montag's plastic surgeon, Dr. Frank Ryan, was killed in a car accident. Montag commemorated him in a series of tweets, calling him "the most amazing person" she has ever known and writing that he "changed the world." Heidi, you're making this worse. [HuffPo] ● The new cover of Rolling Stone features a naked threesome covered in blood. No, The Jonas Brothers do not have a new album; it's the cast of True Blood. [RS] ● Erykah Badu was fined $500 for walking around naked in Dallas during the filming of her music video for "Window Seat." Dallas should be paying her. [EW]

● Good news! Genealogists claim that Robert Pattinson is, in fact, related to historic vampire Vlad the Impaler. Also, George W. Bush and John Kerry. [CBS] ● Bristol Palin, progeny of Silly Sarah, is now an actress in a show about teenage pregnancy, which she really had, but still can't pull off on screen. [Celebuzz] ● Ha, oh man, guys you're never going to believe this. Yeah, remember that little mix-up with The Tonight Show and Leno and Conan and all that? Mmhmm, well as it turns out Leno is doing even worse than Conan was. [WWTDD]

● Marilyn Manson proposed to 22-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood on stage in Paris. She accepted and their divorce is scheduled for early summer. [Daily Mirror] ● A cocaine vaccination led test participants to take 10 times as much of the drug in hopes of overcoming the treatment, bankrupting many along the way. Drug cartels remain hopeful about the vaccine's future. [Popular Science] ● Diff'rent Strokes actor Gary Coleman was rushed to the hospital with seizure-like symptoms, though they are being reported as not life-threatening. Maybe it was, um, a small seizure? [TMZ]

Primetime’s breakout bloodsucker talks 'Zoolander'

● Sienna Miller and Jude Law are making a third go-round for a relationship; Miller was seen fleeing Law’s New York pad, so you know it’s totally on. [DailyMail] ● Speaking of couples giving it another go, Marilyn Manson is back with his favorite Dita Von Teese impersonator, Evan Rachel Wood. [MetalHammer] ● Kristen Stewart does not hate Twilight fans; in fact, “I thought they were going to hate me, but they love it. I love girls who are in love with me." [EntertainmentWise]

● Evan Rachel Wood has moved on and up from Marilyn Manson and is currently courting True Blood costar Alexander Skarsgard. The two were snapped enjoying an outdoor festival in Louisiana where Skarsgard is filming a movie. [JustJared] ● Drew Barrymore is throwing a roller-skating party in honor of her directorial debut Whip It; attendees can skate with Barrymore and the cast at Bonaventure Skating Center in Michigan where the film was shot. [AP] ● Rapper Ludacris channeled Oprah over the weekend by giving away 20 free cars to those in need in his hometown of Atlanta. [CNN]