Holy. Shit. Restaurateurs, chefs, service industry-ites, foodies, and Eater are inevitably (simultaneously?) celebrating, freaking out, or mourning this morning's announcement that New York Times chief restaurant critic, Frank Bruni, will be retiring his position. Bruni's going to be promoting his upcoming book and moving to a position as a writer-at-large for The New York Times Magazine. Personally, I love Bruni, and this makes me really, really sad. That being said, we must look to the horizon, because we're speculative bloggers with nothing better to do. So: Who will replace Frank Bruni? Unqualified speculation, go!

You could read all of Frank Bruni's article (and supplemental blog post) on the sad ways restaurants and their respective owners are coping with the downturn (by offering customers various deals to help lure them in), or you can read our simple guide to the guide. The choice is yours, but we know what would save more time. Savings we pass along to you, the otherwise hapless consumer.

A few months back, we put on display New York Times chief restaurant critic Frank Bruni's knife-wielding side -- as everyone knows, he's at his best when the claws are out. This week's review of TriBeCa dining hotspot Corton, however, shows the softer, possibly Boy George-listening side of Bruni.

New York Times dining critic Frank Bruni's recent savaging of Ago -- the Italian restaurant in part owned by Robert De Niro -- was the source of water-cooler chatter and foodblog amusement this week. Like most critics, Bruni is always most entertaining when he's got his claws out. So how does his trashing of Ago compare with one of his most legendary bad reviews, that being a ritual execution of Ninja, a ridiculous theme restaurant with a readily guessable motif? Let's discuss! And just for comparison's sake, I'll throw in Bruni's high praise for Robert's Steak House, the widely acclaimed meatery nestled in the voluptuous folds of the Penthouse Executive Club. Yes, it's steak with a side of strippers. Go ahead and pretend that bothers you.