● Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard, who now accompanies her to all events, wears a shirt that says "Big Monster," making the metaphor far too obvious. [Page Six] ● One in ten people under 25 say it's okay to text during sex, but let's go ahead and assume they've never been laid or won't be again until they figure out how it works. [Ad Age] ● Who the hell gave Gary Busey a baby, and moreover, could he look any more mentally unfit to be a parent? [HuffPo]

Remember the days of private man servants? Neither do we. The closest thing we’ve had to a butler was Fresh Prince reruns. But, for Vanity Fair honcho Graydon Carter, having another human being cater to your every whim is just a part of life. Yesterday The Post introduced us to Ivo Juhani, who doubles as Carter’s butler and the headwaiter at his hush-hush West Village eatery, The Waverly Inn.

Larry Poston officially opened the West Village resto Hotel Griffou with business partner Johnny Swet on July 1. Poston made his name in New York restaurant circles as a manager at Pastis and the Waverly Inn, and Swet gained his hospitality know-how at Balthazar and Freemans. Most recently occupying the 9th Street space was notorious speakeasy Marylou’s, but the name of the new joint is after the original, French 1870s occupants. The modern dining rooms are themed as a salon, library, and artist's studio with a French-inspired classic cuisine menu. Poston gives us an inside look at the new spot.

Scott Weiland’s Snitch is now Citrine, Tim Robbins is no longer behind the Back Room, De Niro’s Ago was critically panned, cholesterol problems await at Justin Timberlake’s Southern Hospitality, and Arnold Schwarzenegger & co.’s Planet Hollywood is a tourist trap, all’s not lost -- here’s a list of celeb-owned spots worth looking into.

Graydon Carter -- editor of Vanity Fair and owner/savior/matchbook-maker at the Waverly Inn -- has come to the rescue of yet another beleaguered New York restaurant. Word has leaked that Carter, along with a pair of partners, has purchased the Monkey Bar in the Hotel Elysée.

Yesterday came reports that famed Midtown eatery Monkey Bar (since 1932) had been sold. Foodies awaited the mystery buyer’s identity with baited garlic breath. Today, said identity has been revealed to all as Graydon Carter, editor of Vanity Fair, owner of The Waverly Inn. Carter's spokesperson said the resto will reopen next summer after renovations and will be "small" and "low-key." Kind of like The Waverly is "low-key."Carter's two partners include Jeff Klein of the City Club Hotel and Jeremy King of London restaurant The Wolseley. Hey Graydon, can you rescue Studio B now?

The Waverly Inn may very well be the new Café Society, but we don’t see anyone lying around in settees there. Least of all its star chef John DeLucie, who likes a meal you can eat with one fork and has a story or two to tell in his upcoming memoir, The Hunger.

Vanity Fair's National Editor Todd Purdum recently wrote a piece—a 9,647-word piece—about Bill Clinton. And, needless to say, it hasn't gone over well in various circles. Speaking to a reporter from the Huffington Post after campaigning in San Diego, Clinton said of Purdum, “He’s a really dishonest reporter… And I haven’t read [the article]. But he told me there’s five or six just blatant lies in there. But he’s a real slimy guy.” Clinton would go on to call him "sleazy" and a "scumbag."