You know that strain of fragrance ads that depicts impossibly high-cheek-boned models brooding against the toniest of tony backdrops? Guy Ritchie has succeeded in crafting the moving apotheosis of those ads with his new short film for Dior Homme. It stars Jude Law as the rich, brooding every-handsome, and it finally solves the mystery of what the “characters” in all those print ads have supposedly been up to—playing sex games.

● In time for the New Year, Angelina has told Brad that she wants to see other people -- oh she still wants to be with Brad, it's just that Angie would like to have sex with other men ... and women as well. [Showbizspy] ● What is a father of six to do with that news? If you’re Brad Pitt, you take your eldest sons (Maddox and Pax) for a raucous round of video games at Dave and Busters in low-key Times Square. [JustJared] ● If things do go south with Angelina, at least Brad has Guy Ritchie, who would like to re-team with Pitt for the forthcoming sequel to Sherlock Holmes. [Popeater]

By performing enough spells to burn mid-sized Prussian villages to the ground, flighty mogulista Madonna is now finally rid of ex-husband Guy Ritchie. Which frees her up to try her own hand at being an auteur. This works well! Because there won't be awkward bedroom exchanges that find Ritchie sulking, spouting, "Oh. I'm the filmmaker in this family, but people obviously like your crappy films better than my crappy films! Harrumph," and Madonna groaning and offering, "No, no sweetheart, you're a special person," as she applies witch hazel to her chapped cheeks and swigs a half bottle of Maalox before nodding off. Oh, those olds and their Maalox. Projects that will suffer premature ends then: the album campaign for her umpteenth greatest hits and some finishing school for Malawi girls that she was heading up she was heading up. The barge is already headed for another port, and so on.

● Although Guy Ritchie claims to “love” ex-wife Madonna, he still thinks she’s “retarded.” [MSN] ● Who would have thought? Kevin Federline doesn’t take care of his house! The owners of his rented Tarzana house want $100K for damages, including cigarette butts and empty beer bottles in the gutter, a bent light post, and drawings all over the walls. [Dlisted] ● Law & Order’s next ripped-from-the-headlines plot will feature a Jon and Kate Gosselin-esque storyline, where the “Kate” character is murdered and the “Jon” is the suspect. [EW]

● After a turbulent couple of years, who can someone like Britney Spears turn to for advice? Why, Madonna of course. [TheMirror] ● Now that Guy Ritchie has rid himself of the weight of Madge, he is free to revive his film career; next on the list is a possible remake of the Broadway classic Guys and Dolls. [Playbill] ● Chris Brown will try to win back some fans as a "homeless" teen in a rags-to-riches movie alleged to be a real "tearjerker." [DailyNews]

Professional matchmaker Amy Laurent offers advice for Hollywood's confirmed bachelors and those recently in the doghouse.

A banner week indeed for diva drama -- these ladies are in constant flux between mental stability and the precipice of hot-messery. To recap:

Now that Madonna is single, she can get back to her man-eating ways and not have to hide it under the guise of darkness. Gossip rags will head into max overdrive, speculating who will be the next meat-slab to try and satisfy the Material Girl's insatiable sex needs. But we like to be one step ahead of the game here, so here's a rundown of possible paramours for Madge to devour.

“It’s elementary, my dear Watson,” says Jason Statham just before he gouges the end of his pipe into a thug’s eye and then launches him off Tower Bridge—first in slow-motion, then super sped-up as he approaches the water. It's Sherlock Holmes re-imagined by Guy Ritchie. The British director, known for his witty, hyperkinetic crime capers, has signed on to reinvent the traditionally stuffy super sleuth for Warner Bros. He’s currently polishing the script, which we’ve deduced—using a series of clues, er, Ritchie’s filmography—will feature Holmes and Watson tracking diamond thieves deep into a grimy London underworld of illegal chess games and organ theft. Expect Sherlock’s notorious coke habit to stick.