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If I had to rate my perfume enthusiasm on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say it's a 6. Don't get me wrong: I love a good, clean fragrance, but once I find what I like, I tend to stick with it. (I've been wearing the same Chloe Eau de Parfum for about six years.) So when I heard that Gwyneth Paltrow owns fifty perfume bottles and believes in a "wardrobe of perfumes," a wave of anxiety flushed over me. I mean, I can barely get past three scent tests at Sephora before they all start smelling the same and I start feeling lightheaded. 

Beyoncé, in my opinion, is perfect. That is until she gives interviews, because it's becoming increasingly clear that Beyoncé is quite crazy. Take, for example, her Vogue cover story, in which she calls her daughter Blue Ivy "my homey, my best friend." I repeat: Beyoncé's best friend is a one-year-old. Sorry, Kelly! (I'd apologize to Michelle, but she already knew she wasn't even in the top ten.) But this should really come to no surprise considering that Beyoncé is also BFFs with Gwyneth Paltrow. Delusions of grandeur and having deep, interpersonal connections with infants is, apparently, contagious. 

It's a thing, right? I've never had strong feelings either way, but I will say that three of her films (Atonement, this year's Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, and the recent Anna Karenina) have brought joy to my heart. I don't really hear much from my male friends about it, either; she's just kinda there, I think. But man, it seems that most women I know really don't like her. What gives, ladies?

“I’m excited,” said Michael Kors Monday night at the 2012 Golden Heart Awards, where he was honored for his contributions to God’s Love We Deliver, a charity that prepares and delivers nutritious meals to people with severe illnesses. “Anything we can do to help is very gratifying.”

Yesterday was Beyoncé's 31st birthday, which God's Most Perfect Child no doubt spent the day yachting, standing at the front of the boat with a cool Mediterranean breeze blowing through her golden curls. What’d you get her for her B-Day? I had a special calendar made for her in which every page is April and every day is the fourth. I know her so well! I also attached a note that read, “To B, you can do no wrong in my eyes, and don’t worry, I have erased the memory of watching Obsessed, although I would pick you over that stupid blonde whore any day, xoxo Ty Ty.” But I don’t know if she got my present because my note is not on her website!

New Year’s Eve is the one time of the year everyone comes together in collective optimistic harmony, hoping for better things to come by getting as wasted as possible.  After ingesting gallons of cheap champagne straight from the bottle, New Year’s Day can be rough.  But don’t worry over-imbibers, Gwyneth Paltrow, in all her servicey GOOPness, has your back with some ridiculous and expensive hangover remedies. 

● Lindsay Lohan missed her flight and, subsequently, her big Playboy reveal taping with Ellen DeGeneres. [E!]

To celebrate the tenth anniversary of The Royal Tenenbaums, the New York Film Festival followed a special screening of the film with a Q&A session with writer-director Wes Anderson and members of the cast, including Bill Murray, Angelica Houston, and Gwyneth Paltrow. Among the stories the actors shared that evening (Paltrow was dating her character's incestuous love-interest Luke Wilson!), one topic came up several times: how terrified everyone was of Gene Hackman, who reluctantly played the Tenenbaum patriarch, Royal.

● Conrad Murray's trial kicked off to a grim start yesterday with a photo of Michael Jackson's dead body stretched out on a hospital gurney, an eerie recording of Jackson mumbling, "I want them to say, 'I've never seen nothing like this in my life,' 'he's the greatest entertainer of all time,'" and tears all around. [LAT] ● Apparently Kourtney Kardashian's beau, Scott Disick, doesn't do so bad for himself in the down-under department ("It's like an elephant's trunk!"), and Kim thinks he needs some new underwear ("This is freaking me out!"). [xoJane] ● Apparently Spencer Pratt owes so much money that his agents don't even bother answering his phone calls anymore. Did he buy too many crystals? Not enough crystals? [Huff Post]

● Universal is using The Big Lebowski to launch their Social Theater on Facebook, an application with which allows viewers to stream movies for 30 Facebook credits or $3. The Dude of Facebook? 'Like.' [THR] ● Surely GOOP has touched at least a few lives, but we can't say we expected to hear that Gwyneth Paltrow is saving lives, too! In this particular case, a woman claims she was late to work on 9/11 after Gwyneth nearly ran her over in a large SUV. [People] ● The Weeknd's finally let go of his much anticipated second mixtape, Thursday, and it's as as dark, sleazy, wonderful as the last. and features Drake. It's available for free download from his site. [The Weeknd]