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Look, I have a penis, but I read Jezebel, too, so I do keep up on the latest health and beauty fads that women subscribe to in between getting excited about Kate Middleton's baby and learning about which senators think rape is A-OK. So when I read that gel manicures could possibly cause cancer, I was alarmed. Fingernail cancer? Is it seeping in through the polish? That is terrifying. But then I realized that it's actually the UV light that dries the gel polish that could be a potential health risk, and that, somehow, seemed a bit less upsetting. There's still a lot of controversy over whether even weekly manicures involving UV rays could cause cancer—that's a tiny amount of exposure, even at a regular rate—but, I dunno, maybe put some sunscreen on your hands just in case. A cancer-free manicured hand is a cute manicured hand!

At a crowded brunch at New York's Pastis, Christina Vuleta (pictured) was serendipitously struck with an idea: a mentoring forum named 40:20 Vision, where women in their 40s can pass on their perspective and advice to women in their 20s. Two years later, and currently a blog and a frequent in-person meet-up, 40:20 has become responsible for bringing 20-somethings face-to-face and blog-to-blog with the very women that can help them. Covering such topics as friends and family, self and wellness, and finances, the blog is a multi-generational advisory panel where both parties can write in and ask questions, anonymously or not.

Forget about Hitchcock’s flying, feathered menaces—fighting the birds will seem like a picnic once the hulking rats of New York declare war on us surface-dwellers. But armed conflict is where we’re headed, according to an alarming report in the Times today on the mass migration of rats inland since Hurricane Sandy.

You think your job is tough? Maybe you find yourself on the verge of sending company-wide notices of how everyone in the office is the worst person, or you can hear your cubicle neighbor's annoying music from his earphones, or your manager always tries to talk to you about Game of Thrones in the breakroom even though she knows that you're only on the first season. And maybe you find quiet solace with stress-reducing activities, such as scratching out your coworkers' eyes on pictures printed out from their Facebook profiles. Or perhaps something less terrifying, like squeezing a stress ball. Well, even someone had to go to work to make those stress balls, and it doesn't sound like working at the stress ball factory is a bed of roses, either.

Ah, 2012. You sucked. Seriously. Snowstorms and shootings, wildfires and scandals. It was a dramatic year to say the least. But we did manage to avoid the end of the world, and there's a reason for that, according to Aiden Chase. He's Los Angeles' most renowned psychic-to-the-stars and, as People magazine calls him, "Hollywood's Healer."

You know how gay people can't join eHarmony? Oh, well, I say; we have literally every other dating site (plus a few of our own). But the creators of eHarmony (namely founder Neil Clark Warren, or the seemingly friendly old guy in those commercials) retalliated by creating an LGBT version of eHarmony called Compatible Partners. You see, dudes who like dudes and ladies who like ladies go about everything in a totally different way than normal straight people. Like, for example, gay men just start screwing each other immediately until they get bored after about three weeks, and lesbians pick up U-Hauls on the second date. That's the kind of thinking, I guess, that is happening at the eHarmony board meetings, and now Warren thinks the company should spend a ton of money to figure out this whole gay business once and for all.

Dating site How About We breaks down some of the statistics when it comes to dating, particularly the inaugural date: it seems as if millions of single people are meeting up to talk about themselves, learn about each other, and potentially make out—all centered around eating frozen yogurt! This is baffling to me, as I have probably eaten frozen yogurt perhaps three times in my life. (Um, scratch that; I just found one of those punch-cards from a frozen yogurt place in Brooklyn, and I can tell you for certain that I've had frozen yogurt four times in my life.) Anyway, frozen yogurt is a hot first-date date. 

The massage therapist said: "You basically have one large block of knots." To me, that meant the best way to approach my tight upper back was with an ice pick or, more realistically, a few hard, soothing punches. For her, it meant a full hour of not-so-fun exertion. While there were no ice picks or punches involved, my block of knots melted into sheets with her magic and, eventually, I reached a state of enlightenment, which was—in my opinion—a team effort. Sure, I was simply lying there as most guests do, but behind the scenes, I was manifesting a transcendent sense of relief and pushing my mind to reach a heightened sense of nirvana.

Oh, how easily one falls down the path of shame and sin! Isn't it strange how it often happens to high-profile religious people who make a point to never, ever, ever do bad stuff? Not like, murder-bad stuff, but buttsex-bad stuff. Such is the case of Matt Moore, a gentleman who beat the gay away with prayer and God and such, who was then discovered using Grindr. Grindr is hard to quit, you guys.

For the month of January, Apartment Therapy—the self-help guru of home design websites—has coached its readers through what it dubbed The January Cure, a 30-day clean-up diet. The project involved a daily assignment, given via blog and email. Along the way, one of the participants, Maria Pinkelton, unearthed a treasure trove of old Sassy magazines, and shared her discovery on Twitter. I am a great lover of cleaningand also of Sassy, which I grew up fetishizing, as did so many girls (and guys!) of my age; so when I saw Maria's tweet I fell to the ground keening and rending my garments from sheer burning jealousy.