Scary Barbie-mannequin Heidi Montag told US Weekly that she works out for an astonishing 14 hours a day. Except it's pretty certain she didn't mean that since, to my knowledge, even professional athletes aren't that hardcore.

● It was, and then it wasn't, and now maybe it is again: Lindsay Lohan is back on for Gotti. "She was definitely out as of earlier today, but she really wanted the part," Gotti producer Marc Fiore told People. [People] ● VH1 has green-lit a new reality show contest wherein "stars" (we use this term loosely: Heidi Montag, Ashley Dupré, Danielle Staub, Three 6 Mafia members -- you get the idea) work together to launch a restaurant. The one who contributes the most gets a stake in it at the end. All you have to do is be helpful? [Vulture] ● TV on the Radio's Gerard Smith passed away yesterday following a courageous battle against lung cancer. [TVoTR]

● Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" is here. Do things look different already? Heads up this morning, babies -- you were born this way! [LadyGaga] ● Rihanna has agreed to lower her two-year-old restraining order against Chris Brown, allowing for contact that "doesn't annoy, molest or harass her." Rihanna has moved on. [E!] ● Paul Thomas Anderson has finally found funding for his Scientology drama and his adaptation of Thomas Pynchon's Inherent Vice. [NYM]

● Though Tony Parker insists there was no physical affair leading to his divorce from Eva Longoria, he did have a "sexting relationship" with a teammate's wife. The official legal term for that is "Too old for this." [TMZ] ● Stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe is pregnant, and has worked enough with Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie to know never let her child out of the house. [People] ● Heidi Montag's mother, Darlene Egelhoff, charges $5,000 for speaking engagements, putting the price tag for her Hills-star daughter at six cajillion. [Radar]

● Jennifer Lopez and American Idol have agreed on a contract worth $12 million for the entertainer to host an upcoming season. Lopez is looking forward to playing Paula Adbul. [People] ● Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are expecting a baby that may as well come out sexually active and with stubble. [Just Jared] ● Snooki lip-syncing Britney Spears into a webcam is almost Warholian. [Vulture]

● Mark David Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon in 1980, has been denied parole for the sixth time. Jared Leto, who played the crazed fan in a film, was hoping for a sequel. [NYDN] ● One of the funny ones, Jenny Slate, will not be on Saturday Night Live this coming season, nor will Will Forte, though four replacements will be coming on, including the first African American since 2003. [WaPo] ● The man who nonviolently stole Kirsten Dunst's purse from a hotel room was sentenced to four years in jail. For some perspective, that's like 16.2 Lindsay Lohans. [HuffPo]

September 2: Jay-Z and Eminem playing Comerica Park is the best thing to happen to Detroit since Jay-Z and Eminem decided to play Comerica Park. September 3: Robert Rodriguez gives new meaning to “director’s cut” with the release of his bloodyblade epic, Machete. September 8: Anna Wintour returns to her native England for Vogue’s Fashion’s Night Out in London.

● Heartbroken again by that Alaskan lothario Levi, Bristol Palin will appear on the latest season of Dancing With the Stars, because reality television does not have enough Palin. Watch her win, too. [E! Online] ● Chris Brown is doing a "great job" with his probation, a judge told him. He hasn't even hit another woman. Four more years, big guy! [Celebuzz] ● Heidi Montag wears a piece on tape on her nose so it doesn't "fall of like Michael Jackson." [HuffPo]

● "My boobs are crushing me," Heidi Montag told Life & Style magazine. Be careful what you wish for, and of ideas recommended by Spencer Pratt. [Page Six] ● Lindsay Lohan left rehab a few days early and is free to return to the life of a thespian, studying classical plays while sipping hot cocoa and knitting when she needs a little break. [AP] ● Wyclef Jean is not allowed to appeal the Haitian ruling barring him from running for president. It's time to move on, and to put that Will.i.am back in his rightful place. [Vulture]

● Though their impending divorce may signal the End Times, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will not go away. Spencer has a girl-on-girl sex tape starring Heidi and Playboy's Karissa Shannon. Convenient! [TMZ] ● Meanwhile, on Twitter, Heidi reached out to her old pal Lauren Conrad with something resembling an apology: "you were right! Spencer is sooooo[...]ooo[...]ooo sucky!!!" [Twitter] ● Wyclef Jean will not stop running for president. No means no. [Vulture]