BlackBook

Celebrities! They're just like us! Sometimes they are spotted at the airport looking emaciated and with terrible haircuts and mustaches! Yes, that's Matthew McConaughey right there, who is looking gaunt and sickly for his role in the upcoming The Dallas Buyer's Club, in which he'll be playing an AIDS patient. Ladies and gentlemen, get your 2014 Oscar ballots ready because McConaughey is gunning for a trophy!

Butter, y'all! Ain't nothin' more American, except maybe patriotism and competition. And strippers. And Kristen Schaal (this is my America, dammit). Butter has all that and more, with an all-star cast including Jennifer Garner, Hugh Jackman, Ty Burrell, Alicia Silverstone, and Olivia Wilde. And butter carving! It's great to see the artistic sensibility of the Midwest finally breaking into the mainstream. (Next up: deep-fried Oreos!)

Well here's a casting decision that makes sense: 38-year-old Jennifer Garner will play Miss Marple in a Disney version of the classic Agatha Christie series. Maybe they haven't read any Miss Marple books? She's an old lady who solves mysteries as a hobby in a quaint English town. And she's awesome. But Hollywood just had to go and mess with her.

You don't realize it, but throughout the course of a movie, actors contort their faces in all kinds of freakish ways. It lasts a split second, so blink and you'll miss it. But since we hear at BlackBook are committed to reducing the Hollywood glitterati into piles of stupid-looking rubble, here is our second round of Trailer Freeze, where famous actors make stupid faces. (That's Sigourney Weaver up top, who to her credit, isn't trying to hide it.)

Of the five names being tossed around as potential candidates to star opposite Ryan Reynolds in the big-screen adaptation of Green Lantern, the most sensible woman for the job is obviously Inglourious Basterds' Diane Kruger. In fact, here's a five-pronged argument for why casting agents need no longer entertain Blake Lively, Jennifer Garner, Eva Green, or that broad from Felicity, when Diane effing Kruger runs circles around all of them.

● After several DUIs and a most infamous head-butting assault, Kiefer Sutherland is still bar-hopping; he was seen out with his daughter Sarah Jude at LES bar Libation. No injuries were reported. [P6] ● Ben Affleck likes to joke that his kids are so cute, he wonders if they’re his -- much to wife Jennifer Garner’s chagrin. [AllNewsWeb] ● If Robert Pattinson’s American accent sounds familiar, it’s because the British actor borrows from his favorite actors like James Dean and Jack Nicholson. [MyParkMag]

This Mother's Day, I plan on having a large brunch with my mom, and afterward, nursing our collective food coma by watching this unfortunate-looking Bollywood flick, occasionally pointing out plot holes and fielding reproving glares from her because she only wants to watch it for the overwrought musical interludes and doesn't need my side commentary. Especially on the day that's all about her. But if my half-dozen daily calls home are anything, they're a testament to what this shady newspaper says about every mother being a celebrity to their children. True or not, thankfully, my mother is nothing like Joan Rivers -- even if I do sometimes resemble Melissa Rivers. Sorry, Mom! A digest of not graceful print-pillaging celebrity moms (and so, divas in their own right) after the break.

Opening in theaters everywhere today, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is a searing epic about a strapping young prince (Matthew McConaughey) and a lonely milkmaid (Jennifer Garner) who discover an unhatched dragon egg (Lacey Chabert) while lost in the Balkan wilderness. Within ninety neat minutes, they learn about life, love, the pursuit of happiness, and the perils of raising an unlicensed pet dragon in Eastern Europe. Or at least, that's probably how the film would've played out before the final rewrite doomed its fate as the direst thing to ever happen to Charles Dickens since A Diva's Christmas Carol starring Vanessa Williams.

● Pretty soon we’ll have to get used to another face on Mickey Rourke. Plastic surgeon Cristian Pérez Latorre plans on fixing Mickey Rourke’s face come July. [Momento] ● Lindsay Lohan’s ex Harry Morton is embarrassed that he ever dated the "actress" and even bought her an engagement ring. [P6] ● Here’s the first look at Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark in Iron Man II, the sequel is set to explore how Tony Stark deals with revealing his superhero identity. [JustJared]

● Paris Hilton’s next career move is to be a lesbian, just like Lindsay (allegedly). Hilton has (again, allegedly) made a down-under (i.e. Australian) sex tape with a "mode"’ named Cheyenne Tozzi. [ENTWise] ● Anna Wintour is in Sundance giving good face for the Vogue doc entitled The September Issue. She told reporters that she was "channeling mountain casual" in her leather Michael Kors jacket with a fox collar paired with a Oscar de la Renta turtleneck and J Brand jeans, and let’s not forget the Manolo Blahnik boots. [WWD] ● Can Tom Cruise stop talking about how much he wanted to kill Hitler as a child?! It’s just getting weird. [AP]