BlackBook

● Hugh Hefner just laid around "like a dead fish" during sex, according to the memoir of a former Playmate, who also alleges that Hef's old number one, Holly Madison, had the dirtiest job of all. [Daily Mail] ● David Beckham swears under oath that he did not have sex with Irma Nici, a prostitute, who claims it happened five times in total. If he's lying, Becks is in big trouble. [TMZ] ● Marc Anthony owes $3.4 million in back taxes, meaning he needs his career back or to be really nice to Jennifer Lopez. [Radar]

● "The Snooki ball drop isn't going to happen in Times Square," says someone who knows. Hopefully all the children of the world will stop crying over this by midnight. [Popeater] ● Kelly Osbourne found out on Christmas that her ex-fiance Luke Worrall was cheating on her, so she called him a "piece of shit" and much more in a Twitter rant. [Us Weekly] ● Kim Kardashian filmed a secret music video with Kanye West and director Hype Williams for her upcoming single, which -- for some reason -- is legitimately exciting. [TMZ]

● The socialite Lydia Hearst is all set to star in Dogs in Pocketbooks, based on "a spoiled brat prone to alcohol and cocaine binges, reckless driving, failed rehab attempts, career-ending partying and ruthless hangers-on" -- a.k.a. Lindsay Lohan's life -- though the real Mommy Dina is threatening to sue. [TMZ] ● Justin Timberlake received Harvard University's Hasty Pudding Theatricals Man of the Year award, which is not -- believe it or not -- the same as an Oscar. [Popeater] ● Reese Witherspoon is engaged to Jim Toth, while Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Phillippe high-five and are like, "Haha, who?" [Us Weekly]

● Natalie Portman says she is "indescribably happy" and "very grateful" to be pregnant and engaged to the choreographer Benjamin Millepied, who she met while filming Black Swan. Mila Kunis declined to comment. [EW] ● Teen Mom's Amber Portwood has been charged with three felonies for beating up her fiance on camera. [People] ● Rachel Weisz is dating Daniel Craig, who is both better looking and less talented than her ex-husband Darren Aronofsky. [Us Weekly]

● Dawn Holland, the woman who accused Lindsay Lohan of violence at the Betty Ford rehab center, is now facing a federal investigation for divulging medical secrets in exchange for money. And Lindsay wins again! [Radar] ● After a woman's hair caught on fire at Diddy's album release party, he offered to pay for her trip to the salon. She had already made an appointment and expects it to cost about $1,000, or about 85 copies of Last Train to Paris. [TMZ] ● Jay-Z spent $350,000 on Birkin bags, "among other things," while Christmas shopping for Beyoncé at the Hermes boutique in New York City. [NYP]

● One of the diplomatic cables made public by WikiLeaks reveals that Anna Nicole Smith hit the Bahamas like a "hurricane" when she "enticed" locals and "wreaked havoc" on the political system, toppling leaders. Seriously. [CBS] ● Because Pauly D "embodies both qualities" of the "unique and genuine" Jersey Shore cast, he has earned the show's first official spin-off. Also, "spin-off" works really well for DJ puns. [EW] ● Though Chelsea Handler took heat for railing on Angelina Jolie while defend Jennifer Aniston's honor, Aniston just wants Handler to chill. [PopEater]

● Lindsay Lohan is being investigated for allegedly hitting a female worker at her Betty Ford rehab clinic. If guilty of misdemeanor battery, Lohan would violate her parole and probably head back to jail. [HuffPo] ● Ryan Reynolds is supposedly "beyond sad and depressed" about his divorce from Scarlett Johansson despite the fact that he openly told people that "she treated him badly." The travails of being pretty and dumb! [Us Weekly] ● Glee's Heather Morris is being considered to play the lead role in the new Buffy the Vampire Slayer. [Access Hollywood]

● There are two rumored sex tapes floating around featuring Young Money rapper Nicki Minaj. If blurry stills are any indication, she's about to become way more famous. [MTO] ● Bristol Palin says she likes Levi Johnston's new girlfriend because she's urging the Alaskan baby daddy to spend more time with his child. [E! Online] ● Cristina Ricci says Robert Pattinson is "a good kisser" and a "lovely human being." And Kristen Stewart seethes. [Celebuzz]

● Threats to Lindsay Lohan and her family are now in the possession of the FBI, and may be coming from Britney Spears' old friend, Sam Lufti. What a world. [TMZ] ● Jake Gyllenhaal reportedly bought Taylor Swift an $11,000 guitar signed by Chet Atkins for her birthday. She will someday use it as a weapon against him. [Daily Mail] ● The soon-to-be divorced Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson ate a happy dinner together, probably because they're finally free. [People]

● Winona Ryder knew about Mel Gibson's penchant for drunken tirades long before everyone else: "He made a really horrible gay joke. And somehow it came up that I was Jewish. He said something about 'oven dodgers,' but I didn't get it." [GQ] ● Ryan Reynolds may have cheated on Scarlett Johansson with his Green Lantern costar Blake Lively, known in some circles as Johansson with emptier eyes. [Popeater] ● Breakfast at Tiffany's director Blake Edwards, also known for the Pink Panther series, died at the age of 88. [HuffPo]