We've yet to see a trailer for Tim Burton's upcoming Dark Shadows, a film remake of the campy horror soap opera from the late '60s, but we do have the first look at Johnny Depp's very angular look as the protagonist, Barnabas Collins, a vampire who has spent 200 years buried alive before breaking out to take on the fast-paced world of the early '70s.

● Mark Wahlberg thinks he could have prevented tragedy on 9/11, had he only been on the right flight. “If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did," he tells Men's Journal this month. "There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’” If only, Marky Mark. [MensJournal]

Natalie Portman's having quite the 2012. First, she won the Best Actress Oscar for her hysterical/weepy performance in Black Swan. Then she had a baby, or something. But the finest honor was announced today: Portman's topped the list of IMDB's Top Stars of 2011, as decided by user hits on an actor's IMDB page. She unseated Johnny Depp, who's apparently ranked #1 for six of the last seven years -- he moves to #3, while Mila Kunis shoots into the #2 slot. 

"I would tell him that he has a great friend in Johnny Depp."

This weekend, Johnny Depp stopped by the Austin Film Festival to receive an award and screen his new film, The Rum Diary. Naturally, a frenzied media presence surrounded the festival, but not every press outlet got the chance to participate. According to The Hollywood Reporter, “no ABC affiliates were allowed to speak with or even shoot [Depp] at the event due to a clause in his contract with Disney.”

● Woody Allen's dream leading lady? First Lady Michelle Obama. "If I was in a room with Michelle Obama, and I thought she was right for a part, I wouldn't hesitate to ask her," he says. [USA Today] ● The women of Parks and Recreation made a video of themselves eating Pop Rocks sent to them by Tavi Gevinson, because "P.S. Candy is delicious, and it will always be delicious." [Rookie] ● Good news for all those who still believe in "'til death do us part." Demi Moore is still wearing her wedding ring. [Huff Post]

From now on, let's only let Johnny Depp give interviews to Vanity Fair. Because not only do we control who Johnny Depp gives interviews to, but whenever his voice connects with VF's recorder, magic happens. His last cover story with the glossy gave us the rockstar line, "Money doesn't buy you happiness. But it buys you a big enough yacht to sail right up to it." While he's not exactly right—we bought a gram of happiness last Saturday—it's still rare to hear a star of his caliber sound so cocky. In Vanity Fair's November cover story, Depp holds back even less when he compares getting his picture taken by professional photographers to being raped.

● Could it be? The DailyBeast reports that a money dispute between the Simpson's voice actors and Fox studio execs might mean the end of the longest running American sitcom. D'oh! [DailyBeast] ● Justin Bieber's swagger coach, Ryan Good, is relinquishing his duties with Biebs in order "to pursue some of his dreams." Swaggerific dreams, presumably. [PopEater] ● The NFL was forced to kick off without the iconic "Are You Ready For Some Football?" jingle for the first time in many, many Mondays, after singer Hank William Jr. went ahead and compared President Obama to Hitler during an interview on Fox and Friends. [NYP]

Ricky Gervais has had a change of heart since quitting Twitter last January. The comedian rejoined the site a few days ago and has sent out several Tweets promoting An Idiot Abroad and his new show Life's Too Short, which may be why he's back. But who cares? A reason isn't necessary for the kind of stuff he's sending out. In asking "How can I prove it's me though? This was Patrick Swayze's problem in Ghost," he's come up with some hilarious evidence. Though this morning he's been struggling with a learning curve, he did manage to send out a photo involving himself, Johnny Depp, and a midget in a compromising situation.

"My PR people should be on a steady supply of prescription medication."