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Sometimes, it takes a great literary mind to help us cope with a national tragedy. After Kim Kardashian divorced Kris Humphries, her husband of 72 days, grief blanketed the country and many were forced to wear disguises and masks to hide their tears (She got divorced on Halloween, which only partially explains this). Booker Prize-winning author Salman Rushdie lent his thoughts on the whole affair, and they really encapsulate the effect it will have on our global community. He tweeted these feelings, so you know they are heartfelt and serious.

● A California woman has filed a paternity suit against Justin Bieber alleging that she took the pop star's virginity in a backstage hook-up and ended up pregnant. Bieber and co. are saying, of course, that the baby ain't so. [Radar] ● E! plans to continue airing the now obsolete Kim's Fairytale Wedding because, as one exec explains, “The program model of television doesn’t exactly keep up with the life model of real people... if Kim gets to keep her gifts, why can't E!? [NYT] ● Speaking of lost innocence: still mostly precious teen queens Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Emma Roberts are allegedly in talks to join James Franco in Harmony Korine's upcoming film, Spring Breakers, about a spring break gone terribly wrong. [EW]

Poor Kim Kardashian. First she fell in love. Then she got married. Then she decided that she didn't really want to get married. Too bad she didn't decided that before filming her wedding and accepting a lot of money for it! It's really hard being a professional famous person, always looking for love in all the wrong places (the NFL, backstage at the BET Awards). Now she's looking like a major jerk after destroying the trust she built with her fans. All of those poor fans! Everybody loses, really.

Horrible, bad, terrible, sad, regrettable, awful news, everyone: After 72 days of marriage, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced from Kris Humphries. What caused this untimely split? Was it Hurricane Irene? Was it Planking? Seriously, those were pretty much the only two things that happened during their two-and-a-half month marriage.

I hate to devote any more space on the Internet to Kim Kardashian since everything about her life from her shoes to what gum she chews to how many breaths she takes in a day is endlessly recorded. She could start up her own publication and it would flourish while the New York Times sunk into the ground with its former writers fighting tooth and nail to land a new gig at the Kim K Khronicle to head up the column on Scott Disick's sartorial choices for canes and ascots. But, BUT, this piece of info is actually newsworthy. Kim is taking to the big screen.

● The third and final episode of comedy webseries Summer Fridays, "Good Times," debuts today. [Summer Fridays] ● Did Second Chance, an early Matthew Perry sitcom, predict Gaddafi's death all the way back in 1987? [Huff Post] ● Lindsay Lohan won no points yesterday when she showed up 40 minutes late in her $80K Porsche to her community service shift at the morgue. [TMZ]

● The second episode of workplace comedy web series Summer Fridays is live. [Summer Fridays] ● Yesterday, via twitter, Russell Simmons offered to pay for Mayor Bloomberg's mandated cleaning of Zuccotti Park so long as Occupy Wall Street protesters would be allowed to remain. Lucky for Russ, the protesters did a good enough job tidying up that the cleaning was called off. [Gawker] ● Lindsay Lohan was spotted on the red carpet looking a little worse for the wear, her teeth yellowed and nail polish streaks all over her hands. Is it just the coffee, or is there something you want to talk about, LiLo? [DailyMail]

● Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio just "officially" split, and yet the Gossip Girl is already rumored to be shacking up with a new man, Ryan Reynolds, in Boston. [NYDN] ● Lady Gaga is getting the Lifetime treatment with a bioepic currently called Fame Monster: The Lady Gaga Story. [Gossip Cop] ● Usually the director, Werner Herzog will take a turn in front of the camera to play the villain (The Zec!, an "ageless and shadowy figure") in Tom Cruise's forthcoming One Shot. [THR]

● T.I.'s first post-prison performance was an unlikely guest spot at Taylor Swift's Atlanta show last night. As it turns out, the girl's got edge. [Rap Radar] ● Waka Flocka Flame was slugged in the face by a former protege during a charity being held at a bowling alley. The rap game's stressful. [TMZ] ● When it became clear he wouldn't be making his Toronto show, Russell Brand likened the Canadian border patrol to Nazis and blamed them for denying him access into the country. In reality, Canada could care less about the comedian; he was just late because of plane problems. [THR]

● You've heard the rumors about Ashton and Demi being dunzo? Well, Ashton broke his twitter silence yesterday to warn, "When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of, you make an ASS out of U and ME." It's unclear, however, who that was directed at. [Us] ● The wonderfully un-hinged Courtney Love hopes to "set the record straight" -- or whatever that means coming from her -- with a memoir, due out next fall. [P4K] ● Someone covered Justin Theroux's BMW motorcycle with a "blanket of bologna" while it was parked outside Jennifer Aniston's West Village apartment. [Page Six]