BlackBook

I ... give up.

● Judge Stephanie Sautner suggested during their penultimate probation meeting that Lindsay Lohan is getting her life "back on track." She must not read the tabloids much. [Us]

● Zac Efron and Taylor Swift are probably not an item but their "Pumped Up Kicks" cover on Ellen today was so charming that we wish they were. [Vulture]

● With Khloe resorting to IVF treatments, and Kim resigning herself to eternal aunt-hood, Kris Jenner figures Kourtney's baby-to-be is her best chance at a namesake. [NYDN]

● Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again! May all Kim's readjusted fairy tale dreams of being a "good aunt" come true. [Us]

● Conrad Murray's trial kicked off to a grim start yesterday with a photo of Michael Jackson's dead body stretched out on a hospital gurney, an eerie recording of Jackson mumbling, "I want them to say, 'I've never seen nothing like this in my life,' 'he's the greatest entertainer of all time,'" and tears all around. [LAT] ● Apparently Kourtney Kardashian's beau, Scott Disick, doesn't do so bad for himself in the down-under department ("It's like an elephant's trunk!"), and Kim thinks he needs some new underwear ("This is freaking me out!"). [xoJane] ● Apparently Spencer Pratt owes so much money that his agents don't even bother answering his phone calls anymore. Did he buy too many crystals? Not enough crystals? [Huff Post]

● Kris gave her blessing, but Kourtney and Khloé were totes shocked to hear about Kim and Kris's engagement. [PopEater] ● Maybe you missed Oprah's final episode yesterday? Here it is in three minutes. She diiiiidddddd iiitttttt! (See also: the cost of all the stuff she's given away.) [NYM] ● Beyoncé debuted her "favorite song" and 4 opener "1 +1" on last night's American Idol season finale. Oh, and, Scotty McCreery won. [RapRadar/NYT]

● Kourtney Kardashian might be engaged to her longtime boyfriend/baby daddy Scott Disik. Or she might not be. Or they might just be waiting until their new show gets approved to make everything official. [HuffPost] ● Waka Flocka Flame's tour bus came under heavy gunfire last night while parked outside a stereo shop in North Carolina. Supposedly, Waka's security returned fire, and art became life. [TMZ] ● Tyler, the Creator and Hodgy Beats of the L.A. rap crew Odd Future, preformed on Jimmy Fallon last night, horrifying both the host and his guests with an awe-inspiring (and impressively FCC-friendly) performance of "Sandwitches." Sweet dreams, America! [Pitchfork]

● Kourtney Kardashian’s baby daddy Scott Disick sure knows how to treat a pregnant lady. He didn’t lift a finger during her pregnancy, leaving Kourtney to do all the chores right up until she was set to give birth. [Showbizspy] ● Now that the ‘Circus’ tour is over Britney Spears has returned to her off-duty brunette hair color. [JustJared] ● Although they aren’t ‘officially’ back together, Sienna Miller made sure there were champagne and roses waiting for Jude Law at his hotel in Mustique for his 37th birthday. [Mirror]

● Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are totally going out; it’s confirmed they were snapped holding hands! Well, Kristen is grasping Rob’s wrist anyways. [PopSugar] ● Kim Kardashian says pregnant sister Kourtney is having issues with the fact that you actually gain weight while pregnant: “"Kourtney is going crazy, she feels so big right now.” [Us] ● Comedian Katt Williams has been released from a Georgia jail after being arrested for attempted burglary. Williams is accused of trying to break into a home with a crowbar and stealing $3,500 worth of jewelry and rare coins. [CNN]